The Wammy Boys: A Past to Remember
by ObsidianWing
Summary: We all know about why they were at Wammy's House, but what about beforehand? What about their lives there, how they were affected, and what it was like growing up? (Summaries are difficult... to say the least)
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: I'd just like to say a few things...**_

_**Yes, I know this is terrible, but I get most of my ideas on a whim anyway so... Also, I give good idea credits to my buds (Because they are amazing) and lastly, I do not own Death Note or any of the characters... though I wish I did. :)**_

_**Also, I'll be focusing on Mello's POV, until others start to join in.**_

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Mello: Pt1

I remember everything so vividly. My past… the one before the Wammy house took me in. Before I met L, before I met Matt or that egg-head Near… before I had a home. No, I did not have a home when I was young. I had a roof with walls and a floor, but it wasn't home.

Most of you probably don't know who I am – though some of you are smart enough to guess. My name, in a past, was Mihael Keehl, now currently known as Mello. Ironically enough, I gave myself that name the day I met L and Wammy – or Watari as most of you know. But, I am getting ahead of myself. You will learn in due time how my life came to be.

Just so you know, I am writing this purely for selfish reasons. There is much in my past I need to relieve myself of, and this is the only real way I can express my pain and anguish… without damaging anything.

Yes, I have a temper, and I've been known to throw many a tantrum in my time. Roger had gotten fed up with them by the time I was seven, but the old man still put me in time-out… not exactly effective, but I suppose that was all he could do at the time. But you should know, that I wasn't always like that. No, there was a time when I was quiet. Maybe it was because I feared what may happen to me if I ever spoke up. Again, I am ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning.

As I said, I lived under a roof with four walls, somewhere in Germany. I suppose that's as close to a home as I got. My mother, a tall blonde with dark brown eyes, treated me like I was her world. She was the only one in my so-called 'family' that I loved and who loved me. Mainly because she defended me whenever my father or brother beat me senseless.

My father was a monster. He'd belittle me and beat me whenever he felt his undying rage. Sadly, I'm almost too sure that's where my own anger stems. My father only ever beat me when he was drunk or angry though, so I can't say for sure what his _real_ feelings were towards me. My brother, however, despised me. He refused to even acknowledge me as his brother, saying I was nothing more than a mistake made by stupid actions. He always reminded me that I was second… that I was nothing more than a loser and wouldn't amount to anything.

My brother, lucky him, looked almost identical to our father. Brown hair, light skin, and a stern face made him look masculine and easily the eye-candy of many women. _I _on the other hand, looked more like my mother. Blonde and 'feminine', and I managed to hold a grace unlike other boys at that age. It had become a running joke in my family. Anyone that would come for a visit would mistake me as my parent's daughter, and my brother would only make it worse for me by adding I'd be better off as a girl. I don't think I could've hated him more than at those moments.

I suppose I could've told someone about my beatings. About my brother abusing me, or my father's alcoholism. Truth be told, I had many chances to tell someone… but I didn't. I was too scared to. I was scared that my brother would kill me, or that my father would shoot me. He was never afraid to remind me he had a gun, and used to love pointing it at my skull, only to laugh at my fear of death afterwards. The man was not right in the head. How my mother ended up with him was always the question.

I don't suppose you're here to listen to my bitterness. Let's skip forward a bit then, shall we. Long story short, my fifth birthday came around, other beatings ensued, and I was alone. Painfully alone. My mother was gone for the day so I spent my birthday sitting in my room, shaking from both the pain and fright. I stayed as quiet as I could, not wanting to anger my father further or have my brother make snide comments about me being a wimp.

My room was a glorified cage. What I mean is, we were not a poor family, and we weren't middle class either. We were close to what I considered rich, though I couldn't for the life of me figure out why… until later on. But that's for later. I had everything a five-year-old could want… but not what I needed. Thus, my cage.

Flat screen T.V. and video games, plus all the toys I could play with… and I was too afraid to play. It's a sad life for a kid who can't even enjoy the rich life.

I had been thinking about going into the garden to play when my brother burst through the door with a bunch of his friends, laughing and shouting while they began to tie me up. I struggled to get away, begging them to stop, but one little kid was no match for five teenagers. Once they had me tied up, it went all downhill from there.

They dragged me through the house, my mouth covered by tape so I couldn't scream, making sure I hit every door corner and stair step. It was possibly the most painful experience of my life. All the while, they laughed at me, called me stupid, and spat at me. I wanted to cry, hide, and run all at once. This was not what one did to celebrate their birthday.

Finally, one of the teens felt pity for me and began to untie me while taking off the tape. I can remember wanting to hug them for being so generous. It was then that my brother started up.

"Hey come on! We were having fun!"

It was the only female of the group, and I suppose she saw that I wasn't exactly enjoying their little game. "Julius, leave him alone. He's crying."

"What, seriously? That little shit has taken way worse beatings than this! Watch."

I don't remember seeing it… but I remember the pain.

He kicked me so hard in the stomach that I couldn't breathe. I'm pretty sure he laughed at me, but I couldn't hear him.

She told him to stop, but he kept going. He kicked harder and harder each time, making it almost impossible for me to breathe. All the while, he reminded me that I was nothing more than second to him. Perhaps it was that that made me crack.

I really don't know what happened. I just… snapped.

I grabbed the nearest object to me and hit my brother's knee, causing him to crumble to the floor. He was in a massive amount of pain, but somehow… it wasn't enough for me.

I hit him again with my object. A small statue my mother bought a long time ago. It was metal, but flimsy; but it did the trick.

I repeatedly hit him over the head with my weapon, and when it wasn't useful to me anymore, I began to kick him as hard as I could. That's all I remember doing, but I suppose it had been too much. Because when I stopped, he wasn't moving.

I felt my rage subside and I calmed down quite a bit. I soon felt afraid. There was blood everywhere, most of it on me. My brother's friends looked horrified to see what I had done. None of them said a word.

I suddenly heard footsteps at the end of the hall and saw my father staring at what I had done. His eyes, though hazed from hours of drinking, were in shock. He didn't look angry, but that could change fast with him. I didn't know what to do as he leaned down to cradle his oldest son. There came a squeak from the corpse-like teen and his eyes fluttered open. One look at me though, and they were filled with a fear I had never seen before.

My father's eyes changed then. They were full of a rage I had never once seen in him. This was more than the drinking. I knew, I just _knew, _that I was going to die.

So I ran…

I was out the door before my father could catch me. I had no shoes or socks on, and it was autumn verging on winter, and I ran for it. My father followed me out the door, rage and all, but I was able to slip away among the trees in the forest behind our house. My feet hurt from all the twigs and dried leaves, but I had to tough it out. Thankfully, the man never caught me. But, after that, I no longer had a family. Though I doubt that I did to begin with. I would sure miss my mother though.

_To be Continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

**MELLO**: **Pt2**

I don't know how long I had been walking until I reached the closest town to my house. Well, it was more of a small city. But not like the ones you'd see in America. My mother would take me here when she could, if only to get away from the beatings. I had wondered if she was there that day, but I didn't go looking for her. I was too afraid about what she might say.

The town's crowds were beginning to die down as the sun got lower. The air became cooler and my feet burned from running through a dense forest of sharp twigs and leaves. I was only dressed in my grey pajamas – blood washed off from a nearby stream – and they weren't exactly the warmest of my closet. I knew I was getting stares too, but I hadn't had cared. I was too angry to care.

I think this is when my anger flooded into uncontrollable. All I could think of was, _'I'll never see my mother again,'_ or _'this is all HIS fault! Julius and that disgusting father of mine!'_ I don't know if it was possible I could've hated them more at that time.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I found the closest wall to me and punched it. Thankfully, as a small fiver-year-old, the punch was not as hard as I had thought it'd be and I didn't break any bones. It still hurt like a bitch but I held back the tears. I wouldn't give anyone reason to take me home… not that I had one.

That's when… he found me.

I was still cradling my arm when I heard his voice. "Are you alright?"

I turned around, and saw someone who looked to be close to my brother's age. Maybe younger. His eyes were dark with circles under them, while his hair was black as night. He looked very pale and hunched over as he walked. All in all, at first sight, he seemed rather… odd.

He kneeled down in front of me and took my arm gently. At this point I had become so accustomed to my beatings that I flinched when he touched me. He seemed to take notice of this.

"I won't hurt you. I saw you punch that wall and I got concerned for your hand."

Although I am translating what he said into English, his German was spot on and very fluent. Though, I could tell he wasn't from around here.

He inspected my arm when I calmed down a little, and it wasn't long before he found the bruises decorating it like a tattoo. He seemed very saddened by them. He didn't even have to guess why I had them. It was scary that he knew right off the bat… for the age I was at.

"How long have these beatings been happening?"

I was quiet for a long time. If I told him… no, I had to tell him. He could help me get away, maybe.

I spoke in the most innocent voice I owned at the time. "I don't know. I-I mean… he started when I was young, and never really stopped. Though, these are more from my brother than my da."

He nodded, then let my arm go. It was the first time anyone but my mother was actually gentle with me. I inwardly thanked him for being so kind… but, now what would he do? Call the cops? I shuddered at what my father would do if he found out I got him arrested.

The teen stood up then, and offered a hand. "Would you like a place to stay? I'm sure my guardian can make you something to eat as well."

Now, before you say anything, let me be clear. Yes I was aware of the whole "Stranger Danger" crap they teach you when you're little. But I was starving, cold, and in pain. So, I took his hand and went with him.

Best decision of my life.

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When we had gotten to a luxury hotel and into the warmth of his rooms, I was instantly bombarded by the smells of cooking. When I looked, I had seen an older gentleman, dressed as nicely as could be, and preparing what seemed to be a German delicacy. I was surprised to find that it was better than my on mother's cooking. Even more, the elder man seemed none too surprised at my arrival. In fact, he smiled kindly at me the entire time.

While I was eating, I learned their names were L and Watari, though I wasn't allowed to repeat this to anyone. Actually… I was really only half listening. I was so hungry that the food was more on my mind than who I was with. But yes, this is how I met L… and where my respect stems from.

After we ate, Watari had left to go get something – on L's behalf – while we made ourselves at home. He asked me a lot of questions while I was there. He asked me my age, about my family, and my name. I never told him my real name though. I think I feared that he would take me back if I did. But, really, only one question really stood out to me.

It was right after he had gotten up from his crossword puzzle to get some sweets to eat. I almost immediately stepped in and began finishing it in no time. It was always a skill for me to be able to finish crosswords, though my father hated it when I stole the paper to do them. He never understood that it was the only thing quiet enough that he wouldn't kill me over it. I found I was almost too good at them.

When L had come back, he looked at the finished crossword in – what I would call – amazement. He had only done a few puzzles out of boredom, and I had finished the rest.

He looked at me then, and I apologized. I didn't want him to throw me out on the street because of my skill. I liked it where I was, and I didn't need to be tossed away… not again.

L, in his odd little way, grinned at me. "Don't be sorry. I'm impressed at your ability. Do you do a lot of puzzles?"

I nodded. "But… my da doesn't like me to. He and my brother call me a freak when I do them."

"Well, _I_ think it's a splendid gift… actually…" he seemed to trail off, looking at me with curiosity. "Would you mind answering my next question?"

I gave him a glance, the nodded. He was always full of questions, but I never mind answering them.

He began. "A woman goes to her mother's funeral, and as she continues throughout the service, she sees the man of her wildest dreams. She falls instantly in love with him, but is too late and doesn't learn his name or how to contact him…"

_'I thought he was asking me a question…'_

I suppose he saw the confusion in my eyes, and grinned at me again. "Three days later, this woman murders her sister. But, what's the motive?"

Really? This was his question? I was Five, and he somehow knew that I was able to solve this… question? Who was he?

Finally, I sighed and answered it. Maybe my answer was too fast or without much thought process, but it was correct.

"The woman thinks she'll be able to meet the man she fell in love with at her sister's funeral."

"Why's that?"

"Well, the man of her desires was at her mother's funeral. So, it stems to reason that she would quite possibly meet him at her sister's funeral."

And, just like that, my fate was sealed.

"I want you to know that I have asked many people this same question, but only _you_ were able to get the correct answer. I would've thought you'd take some time with it, but you got it right off the bat. I'm very impressed."

I smiled at him at this point. No one had ever complimented on my cleverness before. This only made my meeting with L all the more special.

At this point, L offered me a chance to leave Germany and go to England to a place called the Wammy house. He explained that it was an orphanage for young – and very gifted – children. He also explained how it was also a chance for me to become his successor… if I worked hard enough and became top of the class.

It was ideal. I wouldn't be second to anyone, and I got to show off my cleverness. Even more, L himself asked _me_. I wouldn't be beaten daily, or be treated like dirt. So, I happily accepted by hugging L with all my might. He hugged me back, but was careful of my bruises.

It was then that I vowed to make myself better than I was when I lived with my father and brother. I wouldn't be a pushover or weak. No… I would be strong, resilient, and above all strong. No one would treat me like a meek little boy anymore. I would make sure of that.

As soon as the hug ended, L spoke once more. "You'll need a name that we are able to call you. Since you won't tell me your real name, this might suffice for the both of us."

An alias? It was difficult to decide what to name myself, but the privilege was nice.

I only had to think for a moment before I came up with one. I honoured it to my mother, and to who I was when I was around her and her alone.

_'Mello'._

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**_A/N: Gaaaah, Cheesy, I know. But hey, that's all I got._**


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Just so you all know, this is the last one concerning Mello. The next few will be of a certain Red headed boy who was on the show for maybe five seconds. :) **_

_**Enjoy!**_

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**New Life, New Friends, New Family**

Living at the Wammy house was as ideal as I thought it was.

I arrived at the orphanage with L by my side. While he had been working on a case in Germany – a small fact he told me after his offer – he asked Watari to teach me some English, which I took to almost swimmingly. English and German weren't too far apart, and it helped that the name Mello sound the same in both English and German. So, my name wasn't much trouble.

And yes, before any of you say anything, I'm well aware that there is a 'W' at the end of 'Mellow'. But my way of spelling it looks better.

At any rate, the orphanage seemed to stand still when they saw L walk me into the room. It was later that I figured out that I was the first of the house to personally speak to L by his own will. This, I believe, only swelled my ego further.

Forgive me if I sound stuck up at all during all this. But at the age of five, after being treated like I was, I wanted _something_ to be proud of.

As I said, from the moment I stepped foot into that school, I was at home. I didn't really try to make friends at Wammy's, but I knew some kids. Most kids were afraid of me, which I liked, but they didn't understand me too well.

I was always angry when in class. I pretty much had a collection of broken pens and pencils from my fierce grip. I was angry when I didn't get my answers correct, when I was thinking about my supposed 'family', and was furious whenever someone mistook me for a girl. That happened one too many times, and I took out my anger on them within an instant. It just reminded me of how much I hated my brother, and how much I wanted to beat him to a pulp.

My anger wasn't that bad when I was around L or Watari… maybe because they saved me from my torture. Other than that, L was like the brother I _wanted_. He was kind, spoke to me like his equal, and never called me stupid. Everything my genetic brother was, L was the opposite. And Watari? He was the father I wanted. Kind, soft spoken, didn't drink like it was his bread and butter, and he cooked… well… for me and L.

Another thing that was the best about my situation, I was the only one that was allowed to hang around L.

Maybe I shouldn't say that. All of the kids could have hung out with L, like me. But Roger had told them not to. He told me the same, but I never listened. Roger would start to lose his temper when he found out I wasn't doing as told, but L would stop him before he could punish me. All in all, I had a free run around the house. The only time I ever got punished was when I beat up another kid for calling me girl.

The classes I was in were almost too easy. I managed to pass A and B without much trouble. The two smartest kids in the Wammy house, and it took maybe six months to pass them.

A was from New York, or so he told, and was top of the class. Though, he struggled to get there, whereas I took a mere six months. His friend B… was creepy. The way he looked at me was more than murderous. Maybe he didn't like me because of how much time L spent with me. B almost worshipped L, and I suppose the 'new kid' getting all the attention was enough for him to hate me. Though, I couldn't help it. We were all looking to the same goal, and if anything, me and A tied at the top. I only passed him by a bit, and B was not far behind.

I don't think A held it against me. Considering I was five – close to six – and I was in line to be L's successor, I suppose I impressed him. I never took my anger out on the two, mostly because they knew right away that I was a _boy,_ and also because I think B would murder me. The only guy in the world scarier than my dad.

My dad… the bastard.

He had scarred me for life. I no longer had a good sleep because of the nightmares he inflicted. Especially that gun… the one he used to point at my head. I'd have dreams about that gun actually going off, but thankfully I'd wake up. I'd wake up in tears, but I was still awake, which was better than nothing. After my nightmares I would usually run to L's room and he'd comfort me. I thanked every god there was that he was an insomniac. He would always, _always_, comfort me.

The brother I always wanted.

But let's fast forward a bit. My sixth birthday had come and gone and L was preparing to leave for Romania. That's the way he was, always leaving for another country after a few months – or weeks, give or take. Only this time, he was taking me with him. He sort of sprung it on me at the last second, but I was excited just the same. A was happy for me, but B seemed furious. His murderous looks suddenly got scarier toward me. Though I suppose he couldn't help it… I think B may have liked L more than he let on. The guy looked so similar to him, he might as well be his doppelganger.

We had said our goodbyes and were on our way to the private plane – owned by Watari – and I can remember all the excitement coursing through me. It was just me and L for a whole month… at least, that's what I first thought.

The flight didn't take long for us, and by the time we landed I was ready to go exploring. L had told me earlier that this was a belated birthday gift from him. He wouldn't usually take someone of the Wammy house to one of his cases, but this time was an exception. I didn't care, I was with the best person on earth for a whole month.

I'd like to remind you, I was six at the time.

At any rate, we were in a hotel when I decided to go looking around. L had told me to stay within the area of their building, but I decided not to listen. The first and only time I did not listen to him… for good reason.

While I was out I had bought enough chocolate – with L's credit card – to sustain me for the month to come. Chocolate was usually the thing to calm me after a nightmare, and it didn't hurt to have a bar every day or so. Though, being young, making a chocolate bar last a day was difficult.

I had already unwrapped my first bar when I noticed something moving in an ally-way. Something was moving around in the trash, but I couldn't see it well enough. As I got closer, I never dreamed that what I'd see would soon be my new roommate.

At that moment I ran back to get L and Watari. They'd know how to help him.

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**_A/N: Terrible, I know, but I really wanted to get to the next chapter after this. :)_**


	4. Chapter 4

(Matt P.O.V)

Most of you know me as Matt, but at one point I was known as Mail. Mail Jeevas, the little street urchin who barely lived past three years old.

You see, I come from a long line of a poverty based family. I lived in a bad neighborhood, with a horrid father. My mother left shortly after I was born so I never knew her. And my father? Well… I suppose he's not really my father. Just a man I lived with under the same roof, with the same blood. He was a hopeless druggie, who usually passed out in a haze. He also had a thing for knives… how do I know this? He used them on me.

My father carried a knife with him wherever he went. He used to tell me he was a knife thrower at a circus before throwing it at me during his tweaked stage. I could usually dodge them with ease, but I got nicked a few times. There was only one instance where he went too far… and I still carry the scars it left me with.

It wouldn't surprise me if he were part of the circus. The guy was a nut job and an addict, but almost on target with his knife throwing. And, unfortunately, my father. And I had to live with it.

There was more than one instance where I had to leave the house for fear of my life being cut short. But I always went back. If anything, because I had nowhere else. Well… until I met Mello.

But that's for later.

My house was more like an apartment. It had a roof and some heat, so I couldn't complain too much. The only thing I wished I had was better clothing. If at least to stay warm. I always had to find my own clothes in either the garbage or on the street.

Winter was already here in Romania, and I was still in my summer clothes – if you wanna call 'em that – so I had tried to go out and find something to wear for my shivering body. Eighteenth times the charm, right? However, my father stopped me and pushed me against the wall.

"I need a target." He had said in his rough voice.

Now, I wasn't afraid of my father – more annoyed if anything – and I knew he found me useful. I was able to tap into the camera system through our old computer so he could dodge the landlord during rent season. So, I knew I wasn't going to die… but I didn't know he'd go so far.

He grabbed my red hair, un-cut and mussed up, and slammed my head into the wall. This caused my vision to go blurry.

"Alright, try to dodge now." He said as he threw his knife. Thankfully, he missed by a hairsbreadth and I was able to escape while he was getting his knife. The man was insane to say the least, but I had no other choice but to stay.

Well, I suppose that's not fair. I had a lot of chances to leave and never return. But the simple fact remained… I was alone. No one wanted me, not even my own mother. Hell, I barely wanted me. I was a filthy street kid with no ties to anyone or anything. Nothing in my name spelled worth, so I never even entertained the idea of leaving.

That isn't to say people didn't care.

When I left for richer parts of the city, I would usually find a kind soul or two to give me food. I remember some kid even befriended me and asked his parents if I could stay for dinner. The very first time I had pizza… oh how I remember the taste now.

But those feelings are moot now. I usually have pizza on a day to day basis now… considering I can't cook.

But back to my story.

As I was out on the street that day, I did manage to find some warm clothes for myself… though they were a few sizes too big. The rest of the day was spent looking for food. Since my psycho father never fed me I had to find a way to feed myself. This was where a mom would usually come in handy. Oh well. I had to make do with what I had.

Although, I was picky when it came to mold and – or – anything of a funky stench. I still am.

It was near noon when I was rummaging through the trash to find food. No one really paid attention to me. Most of them were in worse shape than me, if not doing the same.

I suddenly heard talk happening from around the corner and I instantly cringed; it was them. My father's 'buddies', for lack of a better word. And they loved to torture me. I think they were a little more psycho than my father, if not bordering on being so.

"Well now, looky looky boys! It's the little rat of apartment 12-1. Still trying to scrounge up some food?"

I ignored him. He wasn't worth my time and was probably high off his rocker. Unfortunately though…

"Hey, I'm talking to you kid!"

I still ignored him. I had actually found something decent to eat when I felt myself being lifted and thrown onto the ground. It only took a moment for me to figure out who it was who did that.

"What's wrong with you!?" he screamed at me.

I tried to get back up but my head was spinning too fast. I almost felt sick from the pain in my head. It wasn't long before one of them kicked me in the skull and I fell unconscious. I had heard them running off when a siren blared a ways off, but I didn't see them. The last thing I saw was a snowflake landing on my nose. Then… nothing.

When I awoke, there was a strange blonde kid looking at me. My first encounter with Mello.


	5. Chapter 5

(Matt P.O.V)

I can remember bright blue eyes watching me as I awoke. The only thing coursing through my mind was the thought of where I was. I was warm, that was nice, but the ambiance was that of a hotel… something I wasn't accustomed to. Though, who was I to complain?

I tried to sit up, but my head hurt too much. That's when the blue-eyed blonde kid said something in English.

I couldn't understand him, since English was not my native tongue. Finally, a teenager stepped in. "He said not to get up."

This one was weirder looking than the blonde one. Hunched over and pale, his eyes and hair completely dark. However, I was happy to hear he spoke Romanian. I knew he wasn't a native to my country, but he could definitely pull it off with the accent.

"Don't worry," I said to the teen. "I'm not too eager to leave right now."

"I see that. Were you in a fight?"

"No… well… yeah… but I didn't exactly fight back. My father's buds just like to beat on me."

The teen looked at me in confusion. "And… you do nothing to stop it? No reports or calls?"

I shook my head. "Nope. Don't have a phone, and my father's the only thing I have right now."

"No mother?"

"She left after I was born."

The teen took a minute to look me over. I guess he noticed the blade swipes on my arms. "Where did those come from?"

"My dad. He throws knives at me for practice."

I had said it so casually it made the raven-haired teen go wide eyed. Even the blonde kid seemed to know what I was saying.

After a while I met another man in the hotel suite. They called him Watari, so I learned. The pale teen was named L, and the blonde was Mello. At least, that's what I picked up from what little English I knew. L had told me it was Mello who found me in the trash, unconscious and bleeding, and ran to them for help. I think this is what really solidified our friendship in the beginning. That, and the defending personality that Mello always seemed to carry.

At this point, L and Watari had left the room to discuss something in a language I had no idea how to speak, leaving me and Mello alone.

Thankfully, Mello knew a bit of Romanian. "So, your dad really threw knives at you?"

I nodded, then looked quizzically at him. "You speak Romanian?"

He held up his thumb and forefinger to signify a little bit. "Enough to know what you're saying. I've only learned a bit at the Wammy house."

"What's the 'Wammy house'?"

"A place for smart kids like me."

"Oh? So you're a genius then?" I asked in a mocking sort of way.

Mello crossed his arms. "Maybe… what's it to you?"

I listened carefully to his voice. He was not Romanian, that was for sure, but he was no Englishman either. No, there was a trace of European in his voice. This meant he hadn't learned that much English himself.

I finally had it. "You're from Germany, aren't you?"

Mello looked impressed. "How'd you know?"

I shrugged, "Call it a hunch." I lied.

I will never tell Mello how he practically gave it away with his accent. He'd deny it anyway, now that it's almost completely gone.

"Maybe _I_ could go to this Wammy house!" I exclaimed. "I hate having knives thrown at me anyway. Plus, we could be friends!"

Mello cocked an eyebrow at me, almost as if the word 'friend' was not part of his vocabulary. But even then, he grinned at me.

"You'd have to ask L and Watari. They may not let you."

"Then, would you ask them? You and L seem close, so couldn't you convince him?"

Mello smiled now. "You'd also have to learn English, too."

"No problem! I'm a fast learner."

It wasn't long before the two men came back, but before we could ask them about my entry to the Wammy house…

"Young man," said Watari. "Would you like to accompany us to Wammy's school for gifted children?"

Me and Mello looked at each other… then laughed until we doubled over. The two men looked at us as if we had lost our minds.

When we finished, I answered with a big yes, then hugged Mello tightly. He didn't really hug me back… more like he flinched. That was the only sign of fear he gave me when we were kids. And I didn't find out why until much later.

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**_A/N: Reviews are appreciated. :)_**


	6. Chapter 6

**(Matt P.O.V)**

The month I spent with Mello and L was spent in study. I had to learn English before anything else, but Mello was a huge help with that. Considering he was still learning a bit of English himself, it was nice to have a friend to learn with me. And yes, in the shortest amount of time, Mello and I became the best of friends.

I never did go back to tell my father I was leaving. I don't think I cared enough about him to do so. I was happy hanging around Mello and L. I was even happier when Watari fed us. The first home cooked meal I had… I remember it well.

I apparently had to come up with a name for myself, since my real name would probably get me into trouble, I don't know how, but I obliged. I came up with Matt, a name I had hear of around town before. I liked it a lot better than Mail, plus it was easy for me to remember. Mello never told me how he got his name, but I suppose there's more to it than he let on.

During this month of tutoring and living the life of kings – from what I was, that's what I remember it as – me and Mello grew closer. He even let me hug him more times than not. I had always been a happy kid, and always liked hugs. I didn't know why I was so happy – all things considered – but I was. And I think my happiness made Mello that much more friendly to me.

The best part about everything within that month, was when L bought me new clothes. I had never been treated to fabric that wasn't ripped or the wrong size. I always had to live with what I had. I suppose you could say that the best part about that month, was getting clean. It felt good to bathe and smell like soap instead of trash. Even more, it felt good to be loved.

L was perfect to both me and Mello. He would always comfort us when we needed it, and never looked down at us like we were inferior. It was definitely something I wasn't used to… but something I quickly became accustomed to.

Mello had taught me as much English as he could in our last week, and I couldn't say I was terrible at it. Maybe a bit slow, but not bad at it.

We were sitting in Mello's bedroom – that we both shared – while L was working, when I decided to ask my new friend in my new language.

"Do… you… want to… erm…" I stuttered a bit. English was not very easy.

Mello was patient though. Actually, now that I think about it, Mello was only ever really patient with me. I suppose I should be flattered. The guy was always angry at something, but never with me.

I finally caved and made the 'Remote control' gesture with my thumbs.

Mello got it right away. "Video games? Sure!"

I smiled happily. Another luxury I had become accustomed to, was video games. I loved every part of them, maybe because it was an escape from the real world. I could be anything, while still being Matt. Another reason I liked them so much, was that they were something I never had the privilege growing up. So, when Mello introduced them to me, I instantly took to them. It wasn't long before I was beating Mello's scores and wiping the floor with all the bad guys. This was definitely for me.

While we were playing, Mello asked questions in English, both as practice and small talk.

"So, where do you come from?"

"Romania… Duh."

Mello shoved me when I laughed.

"I meant, what part of Romania? Who raised you exactly, and where?"

"Well… My pa… let me live… with him. But my bunică..." I shook my head. "Sorry… Grandma… my grandma raised me."

"Don't apologize." He said kindly. "I still mess up with my German. We're both still learning. So, your grandma raised you? Where is she?"

"She… died… when I was… three. She was old… too old to… raise me."

I felt so stupid the more I stuttered. I was thankful Mello wasn't put off by it. Maybe he had gone through the same when first learning.

"Oh, I'm sorry." He had said. "So, what did you do after she passed away?"

I swallowed my courage and started talking again. Thankfully, with more succession. "I went out on my own… to look for food. My dad didn't… feed me. I was alone."

Mello paused the game and the television went still. He looked at me then, and gave me a hug. The first one he had given me… but not the last.

"I know how you feel. But you aren't alone anymore. We'll always have each other, and L of course! No one can break up our friendship."

I shook from the words. Although I'm too sure the angry little blonde would deny everything he said, it was still the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. I think this is truly what made us friends. We never allowed other people and their judgements to change how our friendship worked.

I know what you're all thinking too. We only knew each other for a few weeks, so how could we be friends? Well, in my perspective, little kids know more about friendship and love than any adult ever could. It's not something trivial to them, it's just who they are. Friendship is accepting someone for who they are… and that's what Mello and I did. I accepted who he was – chocoholic and anger-driven – and he accepted me, a smart-ass gamer. It was perfect!

I, of course, hugged him back. "We'll be friends… forever. Right?"

"Forever and ever!"

I smiled at that. Never had I had a friend before… now I had one for the rest of my life.

**(Mello P.O.V)**

I remember when Matt and I became best friends. It was right after he told me how he was alone after his grandmother had died. I remembered how he felt and how much we really had in common. I remember hugging him to. The only person other than L who I even physically touched. I just knew he couldn't hurt me, not like my father had. He was too nice, and loved laughing too much. I always felt safe with him; so I protected him.

How easily we became friends. It was like it was meant to be. Like I was meant to find Matt in the trash that day, to help him and give him a home. Something like that didn't always happen in the world, but I was glad that at this point it had.

After our hug, we got back to our game, with Matt kicking my ass, and continued talking. It was his turn to ask questions to me.

"So, I know you're from Germany… but who was… in your… family?"

The small pauses and stutters were difficult to ignore, but I did it for Matt. However, the question had caught me off guard.

"Well, there's my… Brother." I forced out. It was not a light subject for me. "Then my mother and… Father."

"You had a mama?"

I nodded, instantly feeling bad about not contacting her. Would she even have cared though?

"Lucky. My mama left… left me and pa. Didn't want me."

"Her loss." I said bluntly. I really wanted the topic to change.

Matt seemed to get it. "I know… I'm better than… what she deserves. So, then… what is… your… name?"

I looked at him. "My name? Like… my _real_ name." He nodded, but I dodged. "I can't tell you."

"I'll tell you mine."

I shook my head. "No, we can't tell anyone. L said so, same with Watari."

"Okay…" He said quietly. I instantly felt bad for snapping. He hadn't known at the time, he was still all new to this.

I paused the game again. "Come on, let's go get some cake from the fridge."

I jumped from the bed and Matt followed. "Will there be enough for the both of us?"

As I opened the door, I gave a look at the Red-head. "You're kidding, right? This is L's fridge we're talking about. I'd be surprised if he had an empty fridge."

I opened the door wider, only to hear Matt yelp in pain.

When I turned around he was covering his eyes with his arms. What was up with him?

"Matt? What's wrong?"

"The light… it hurts… it hurts my eyes."

I looked out the door and saw a spread of light seeping in through the crack of the door, but it wasn't insanely bright. It didn't hurt my eyes.

That's when the thought came to me. "You're eyes are sensitive to light?"

He nodded. "It gives me headaches."

I blinked, then shut the door immediately. "So we need to help you, then." I said as I paced the room a bit. Matt had finally uncovered his eyes and was watching me think.

I had an idea. "Wait here." I said as I quickly left the room, careful to close the door behind me. I remembered seeing something in a catalogue that Watari carried around with him. With the money he had, it didn't surprise me.

When I found the catalogue, I flipped through the pages and found what I was looking for. It wasn't long until I went looking for Watari and L to ask them if they could get what I had found for Matt. Upon asking why, I told them about his sensitive eyes and how the product might help him. L was all for it, as well as Watari, but I decided to let it be a surprise for Matt. I'd let it be a present from me to him, to show how much he meant to me…

As my best friend.

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**_A/N: I pretty much got inspired by my nieces for this chapter... well, the little kid part that is. Although, they are pretty boss at some video games. :) _**

**_Again, Reviews are welcome!_**


	7. Chapter 7

**(Mello P.O.V)**

A whole month had gone by before my package for Matt arrived at the Wammy house. The whole month that we were there, our friendship only grew. We were almost like brothers, me being the more protective one.

As soon as Matt had arrived, the other kids had started teasing him because he stuttered on his English. I knew he felt bad about his slow ascent into the new language, so I defended him the only way I knew how… by beating up his tormentors. I always got in trouble for it, but Matt seemed touched by the action. Besides, it didn't matter to me how much trouble I got into. If Matt was safe, it was worth it.

But back to the package…

Once it had arrived, I was notified of it immediately and was excused from class to pick it up from Roger's office. I had brought it to my room, which I now shared with Matt after I scared off my last roommate, and opened it to find more than what I had ordered.

Not only was my order in the box, but there was also a hand-held gaming device – or a Gameboy, for those that are more familiar – with a tag that read '_Welcome to the Wammy House, Matt,'_ as well as a huge chocolate bar with another tag that read, _'To Matt's Best Friend, and Defender.'_ I almost instantly knew that this was L's work, but I wouldn't let him know for a long time yet.

Without much notice, Matt had walked into the room and had seen the box. It wasn't long before the questions started.

"Mel? What's with the box? Is this why… you were… excused from class?"

I had my gift for him behind my back, but I gestured for him to look. When he did, his green eyes suddenly got greener. I don't think anything could make the Red-head happier than seeing his gift from L. It almost made me feel bad about my gift.

"Holy crap!" I admit, I taught him a few swears in English… well, the one's _I _thought were swears at six. They gradually got worse as we grew. "Is this from L?!"

"I think so… no name though."

He laughed happily as he picked up the games and device and started it up. I guess he noticed I was hiding something, because as soon as he looked at my face, his eyes seemed to change into something of wonder.

He finally noticed my hands. "What'cha hiding?" He said as he slowly rose from the floor.

I started backing up, but I had backed into our bunk-bed and hit my head on my top bunk, giving Matt the chance to swipe what I had. When he looked at what I had been hiding, he had smiled… genuinely.

"Goggles? For me?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I saw them in a catalogue and asked L if he could get them for your sensitive eyes. But I know you like video games more, so…"

It was true though. Matt was in love with video games, and rarely did he ever leave them to other kids to play with in the rec room. Every time we had time off, he'd be playing games while I studied. I even convinced L to let us keep the ps2 console and a small T.V. in our room. A bunch of the other kids were pissed about it, until they learned it was Matt who was constantly playing it.

Everyone at the Wammy's had their own special thing to their room. Some of the more physical kids had workout stations, while the brainiacs usually had a small library of books. There were some kids that had to be put in 'special' rooms, because they exhibited some strange ability. B was a perfect case in point. No one but A really liked to be around him because of his strange behaviour. He'd just… stare at you, then smile wickedly. As if he had guessed your greatest secret. It always gave me shivers.

I was just glad I was never 'special' like B.

I was suddenly surprised by a hug from Matt. "Mulțumesc!"

I gave him a look. "Uh… mulțumesc?"

He didn't let go, but lifted his head to look me in the eye. "It means 'thank you'! These are awesome! I can't thank you enough!"

He ripped open the package and slipped the goggles over his eyes. The orange tint made his green eyes disappear, but otherwise, they looked good on him. He seemed to be in the happiest mood I had ever seen.

"Now I can play video games and not get a headache! It's… awesome!"

I smiled at how happy Matt was at this moment. He was always a happy kid, but this was a new high for him. "They're just goggles."

"From my best friend. They… it's the first gift I've ever gotten… From my first best-est friend I ever made!"

I was amused at how much he slipped up in his English. He _must _have been happy.

I hugged him back closely. "You're welcome, Mattie."

"Mels! Quit calling me that!"

"Quit calling me Mel!"

**(B's P.O.V)**

I watched them in disgust from afar. We weren't here to make friends, but there was Mello and Matt being all buddy with each other. A and me never had that problem. Probably because I hated being touched. Every time someone touched me I backed away and leered at them like they were evil. It was only A that could touch me, but even that was limited.

I watched their names float above their heads. Mihael Keehl, and Mail Jeevas. Their lifespans were almost the same. Would that mean that they'd die together? Maybe. What a sight that would be.

Forgive me for not introducing myself. My name is… or rather was… B. B for Backup. I later changed it to something more… fitting. But that will come later.

I suppose you've all come for my story. Very well, I will tell you. But try to keep up with me, it gets rather… complicated, the more I go along.

You see, I was raised in Japan by my mother. She was a beautiful woman, and was easily the eye-candy of many a man. She had no interest in them though. Not since I was born.

My mother had held a dark secret from her family. You see… in her youth, she had become a part of a cult. One that worshipped the dead. She never held that from me, but she told me never to tell a soul. But, I guess you all can learn now. I doubt any will believe me anyway. I barely believed my own mother.

But I digress.

My mother, when she was part of the cult, had gotten herself pregnant before a ritual. I believe they were trying to summon a shinigami – a god of death – but had failed… in a sense.

When my mother discovered her pregnancy with me… then later my abilities, she wasted no time with hiding me away. I was a bother, but it wasn't like she didn't love me. She just didn't know what to do with me. Hence the fact I never even met my grandparents, or uncles and aunts. I was a demon to the world, and so I was non-existent… for that time.

I suppose someone narked on her about keeping me locked in a bedroom with barely any food or water, because not long after my fourth birthday, child services had taken me away from her. I don't remember fighting them, but I didn't really want to see my mother go away. But, I suppose that changed after meeting L.

Long story short, they tested me and claimed I was a genius. No surprise there, even my own mother could've told them that. After they gave me the name 'Backup', it wasn't long until I had met L. He was only a few years older than I, but very eloquent in speech and thoughts. I was the only one on earth to know his real name.

I clung to his side like a puppy throughout my days. He was my anchor from the cruelty of the other kids. He didn't seem to care… but Roger sure did.

He thought I was distracting L from his cases and soon banned me from even speaking to him. L tried to lift the ban, but Roger wouldn't have it. This is more than good reason for why I hate Mello. The kid was by L's side twenty-four seven, and Roger said nothing.

It wasn't long until I met A, who had arrived at Wammy's just a month after me. He was the only one friendly towards me since I disliked everyone else but L. A's real name was Adrian Harris, a New Yorker who had lost his parents to a car crash. I was touched by his story, so I kept him close. Call me odd, but the sadder the stories of death and pain, the more I like the person.

Sad, I know.

I never knew what Matt and Mello's background was. But the fact remained that L favoured the two whole heartedly. So now, I waited for it all to go to hell… like it did for me.

"Come one, B." A started behind my back. "You aren't still mad at them because of L, are you? They're kids."

My eyes shifted towards him. "So was I," I mumbled as I began to walk away. A followed close behind. "I was only… a kid."

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**_A/N: My friend absolutely loves Beyond, so I dedicate this chapter to her. Reviews both appreciated and welcomed. X)_**


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: **__**I decided Matt needed a little more love at this point (mostly because he's my favourite) so i decided to do a semi-short chapter for him. :) Enjoy!**_

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**(Matt P.O.V)**

It was strange at first, wearing the goggles. But it was definitely a relief off my eyes. The constant glare of the sun or T.V screen would always send me into a headache before, but now it was just the opposite. Well… I guess I could've done without the stares. But even then, they didn't bother me that much. I always had Mello by my side to defend me, and since people had to get through him to get to me, the bullying was gradually fading. I didn't know what Mello did to make everyone so afraid of him, but it didn't hurt me so I didn't care.

The orange tint of everything was slowly becoming a part of my vision. In all truth, I'd rather the orange than the blinding light. And since I could concentrate more in school, my grades skyrocketed! I was looking at being second to Mello, which – to me – was better than being first. Maybe they'd even allow us to be partners in the future.

Even if we weren't, we still would've been friends.

I hadn't had been lying to Mello when I told him he was my first friend ever. I never got the chance to make friends in Romania since I was always too busy looking for food or clothing. So, in all honesty, Mello was my first – and best-est – friend.

Speaking of the blonde bombshell himself, there is one more thing you should know about him; His nightmares.

I'd be playing on my Gameboy at night in the orphanage, only to hear Mello start pawing at his bed. Soon after he'd start screaming his head off and I couldn't do anything to help. Every night was the same thing, and I worried more and more if he needed help. I asked him once, but he brushed it off. It wasn't until he fell from the top bunk one night that he finally told me.

I had – of course – been playing on my Gameboy to help me fall asleep, when the pawing started. I even waited for the screaming… but nothing happened. It fact, after the pawing, there was silence. That's when I think I worried the most. But it wasn't until I heard a loud thud that I finally got out of bed to help the poor kid.

I still can't believe he fell from two feet from the floor and didn't get injured. Save for the minor concussion.

"You okay, Mel?"

He gave me a look of pure terror. Like I had been the one to invade his dreams and create the horridness that followed them. It wasn't long before it dimmed down though and he could recognize me again.

He nodded. "Yeah… I guess. Is… is L back yet?"

What had he wanted with L? Maybe he knew what to do when it came to Mello's nightmares.

I shook my head. "He's still in Cairo. He won't be back for a few more days."

I think I saw a tear fall from his eye, but I didn't call him on it. A kid as tough as him must have had some weak points in his life.

He nodded, then made his way for the ladder to his bed. I stopped him, if only to save him from another trip to the floor. "Why don't you sleep in my bed? It might be safer, and I promise to keep the nightmares away."

He looked at me like I was giving him a gift he had always dreamed of. "You mean it? You can keep them away?"

"I can try. That's what best friends do, right? Help each other?"

Mello hugged me at that point. I think he was so desperate to rid himself of this evil that plagued his waking dreams, that he'd believe anything. I can remember him trembling from the fright too. It was the first time I ever saw him so scared.

We climbed into my bed after that and I hugged him close, making sure he had nothing but good thoughts when he slept. I suppose it worked, since he fell asleep instantly and didn't once scream from his dreams.

This happened more often than not.

Every time Mello had a nightmare I would offer my bed and he'd finally get a peaceful sleep. Of course Roger took away the bunk beds after his concussion, replacing them with regular beds, but it didn't exactly stop my worrying for him. I had even gone to L for help, but he didn't tell me anything. Only that Mello needed to ask for the help himself. Since he never showed signs of threatening his own life, L wasn't too worried. But he promised he'd look into a psychiatrist for him to talk to… if he wanted to that is.

Until then, Mello – I would believe – suffered in in silence. The only one who knew of his plight at the time, was L. However, the only one to truly make the nightmares go away, was me. It made me somewhat happy to know I could help Mello when he needed it. Considering he did nothing but defend me, I suppose the least I could do was defend him against what troubled him.

And truly… I believe it only brought us closer.

One specific night, while sleeping in the same bed once again, Mello had begun smiling in his sleep. Something very new to the restless blonde. He even began cuddling me during his sleep, mumbling about something to do with his mother.

I smiled at that thought. The only person Mello ever spoke about, other than L, was his mother. He loved her more than anyone, I would believe. He would talk about how she would comfort him whenever he was scared or alone. He would even admit to missing her from time to time, but would quickly shake it off.

Funny… he never spoke about his father. Not for the longest time.

I didn't mind sharing my bed with Mello. In fact, it was nice having someone next to me when I slept. The calm breathing usually put me fast to sleep, and the extra warmth was nice. Truly, the setup we had for each other was better than I could've imagined. We both defended each other from our own nightmares. Mine in the waking world, and his in the dream world.

It was perfect.


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N: Alright, next chapter up and ready. I'm going to be focusing on this timeline for a while since I don't really want to end the story so quickly. Also, I'll do my best to update when I can but school comes first so... bear with me.**_

**_Reviews are very much welcome, Enjoy! :)_**

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**(Mello P.O.V)**

Weeks turned to months and I was top of the class. Not even A was looking to pass me now, though I'm sure he tried. I was around eight at this time and Matt was seven. I never let him know when my birthday was, but he made the effort to try and find out. Thankfully, it took him years to discover when it was.

Matt and I hung out almost every day at this point. Even more, the quiet kid that I had defended for most of his first year, had become the class clown. There wasn't really a dull moment once Matt stepped into the room. I can remember when we had a substitute so boring that Matt just couldn't take anymore. So he jumped on his desk, screamed, "My people need me!" then ran out the door in a flash. We all busted a gut laughing from this, and when he got in trouble for ditching class he had gotten away with it since Watari had found it humorous himself.

Another time, we had had separate classes at the one point, and to make me laugh Matt had ran into my classroom screaming, "Troll! In the dungeons!" Stopped… then proceeded with, "Thought you ought to know." Then collapsed to the floor. The teacher then proceeded to drag him and myself out of the classroom, since I was laughing too hard to control myself and Matt was still pretending to have fainted. We both got detention afterwards for disruptions… well worth it I think.

Matt had become somewhat popular for a bit, but only really hung around me for the duration of our time in the Wammy house. However, there was a kid there named Torrik – or T as we called him – who was constantly trying to get Matt to hang around him and his buds, openly ignoring me, but Matt stuck around like the loyal friend he was. When T couldn't get him to be his friend, the bullying commenced towards young Matt. He didn't seem too fazed by it, but I still defended him. I always thought that if I didn't defend him, I'd lose his friendship. It took a long time for me to figure out it wasn't the case, but when you're top of the class – and hated by more people than ought to be – a good friend is much appreciated… and you'd do anything to make sure it stays the way it is.

But I digress.

At this point, I can remember me and Matt hanging out in L's room while he worked on a case. L hadn't mind that we paid him a visit, and he wasn't too into the case he was working on anyway so we were really a relief for him. Matt was on his Gameboy, as per usual, and I was studying for an exam coming up shortly. I had always devoted my time to making sure I stayed on top and in the lead. Surprisingly, Matt managed to keep second to me, which meant we were both ahead of A and B. L himself seemed rather proud of this feat, which I guess only swelled my pride further.

It wasn't long before Watari came in to announce a new arrival.

L seemed chiefly interested in this new kid and so got up from his – rather abnormal – sitting position to follow the old men. I followed L, of course, with Matt by my side, but we didn't go to the usual sitting room where most kids first stayed. We headed toward the playroom, and that's where I first saw… him.

Although what was to come is quite evident by now, at first glance I couldn't really have an opinion on him. He was small, with white hair and clothing, and pale. Yet, with all that, his eyes were dark. My first glimpse at this little egg-head, and all I could think of was how odd he looked.

He was playing with some of the toys, not exactly uncommon for someone his age, but there was a certain… how should I put it? Aura? There was a certain aura to him that just didn't make him look like a regular five-year-old. He seemed deep into thought… concentrating on something. I had even asked Matt was his reading on him was, considering he was better at this than I myself. Not even he had a clue on this kid.

Finally, L kneeled down to get a better look at him. The kid did not pay any attention to him, but continued to play with his toys. It almost angered me to see such disrespect… but, maybe that's because my mother always taught me never to ignore someone because it was rude. I always took her lessons to heart.

At last, he looked at L but seemed rather afraid of him. It didn't look like he had been around very many people beforehand. It didn't take him very long until he noticed me and Matt, though he seemed more focused on me. His blank eyes gave me shivers when he looked at me. They were too calculating, too focused… too much like L.

L spoke. "Can you tell me your name?"

Silence. The kid just kept staring at me. It was verging on the edge of creepy now, and I just wanted him to stop.

I think maybe my anger started to show signs of surfacing because Watari put a hand on my shoulder as he spoke. "Maybe you should wait outside…"

"No," came the soft voice of the kid. His eyes still focused on me, "it's alright. He can stay, same with him." He nodded to Matt. "I don't mind…"

My anger at being 'allowed' to carry on by this brat finally got to me. "Well I do. C'mon Matt, we gotta go. Our class starts soon."

"Aww, C'mon Mel let me just finish this one level."

I grabbed his arm and led him out forcefully since I knew there was no way talking to him would change anything. Matt was stubborn when it came to his games and it was better that I was his seeing-eye-person than his life coach. I never changed him, and he never changed me. That's the way we worked.

I took one last glimpse of the kid who had just made my worst enemy list. I managed to hear L repeat his question, only to hear the kid reply with, "Near. My name is Near."


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N: Okay, I'll admit it. I love the character Near in the series, not as much as Mello or Matt, but I still love him! I could do without the creepy grin though. :) Oh well, he's still awesome, which is why I finished this right away!**_

_**Enjoy and Review!**_

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**(Near P.O.V)**

I wasn't born a normal child… though there are times I wish I had been. Being a genius has its positive aspects… but there are the negatives as well. For example, my former life.

I was never treated normally in my household. My mother was what one might call a 'dumb blonde' and instantly hated me for being a genius. My two sisters were no different, both being equally stupid in their own way. I can't exactly recall the amount of time the two spent fighting over a hairbrush. I was only glad that my father loved me… a little bit.

Maybe it was because I was his only son, but he did care for me. He would defend me when my sisters called me a freak or pushed me around; but only half-heartedly. I think because I was smarter than all of them combined they felt inferior and wanted nothing to do with me. I tried to make them love me, but they wouldn't have it. My sisters pushed me away, my mother sneered at me, and my father ignored me. I tried to impress them with my intelligence, but ended up alone in my bedroom for trying. I wanted desperately to be loved by them… but it was futile.

I suppose I haven't really introduced myself. My name is Nate River, or more commonly known as Near. I was born to a normal family, with normal parents, and normal sisters. The only thing that was normal, was me.

From birth I showed a unique understanding of the world, and was shown to be a genius at the age of two. I learned how to read War and Peace at the age of three, to calculate mathematical equations at three-and-a-half, and could remember Pi to the hundredth digit. Though most would call this impressive and 'out of this world' I found it to be a nuisance. I hated being smart for the longest time. It only meant that my family hated me.

Especially my sisters.

Twins, teenagers – and stupid ones at that – made my life a living hell. I never got abused physically, but mentally my life was a shattered mess. They constantly called me freak or monster. I think the worst one they ever called me was puke-stain. Though crude and uncalled for, it hurt the most. Whenever one thought of vomit, they instantly think of disgusting and putrid. Something I certainly was not… which is why it hurt so bad I suppose.

I became quiet when in their presence, allowing any kind of verbal abuse they could throw at me. I really had no one to turn to at that point, so I stayed with the only people I knew; my family.

But I guess my sisters had a different plan for me.

You see, at the time, I lived in America – more specifically, North Dakota – and we were packing up for a family trip to New York to visit my grandparents for the holidays.

I never made it past the border.

My sisters had the great idea to minimize space and have them drive me to the airport. My idiot parents agreed, and we all went our separate ways.

To make a sad story short, my sister Carol stopped the car in the woods and my other sister Katie kicked me out… literally… before they drove off. Leaving me alone in the woods, with only an abandoned road to follow.

I think I cried the whole time I walked, but I guess I don't really remember. But I was hurt by what they had done. My own sisters left me to die in the woods, and my parents probably wouldn't care. Although, I don't think I could see them getting away with something like that. I almost hoped they got arrested for such a crime. I doubt it though.

It was during my self-loathing that I heard a car zoom by. It didn't take long for whoever was inside to see me and stop. I could hear the car door open and shut but I dared not look up. I didn't want to see who it was, let alone let them see me cry.

This was my first encounter with Watari. He seemed nice when we first met, but I was still skeptical. He asked me a bunch of questions, which I answered quietly but bitterly. He seemed to understand my situation and offered me a chance to go to a place called the Wammy house. I guess I must have been desperate since I agreed without question. My father always said don't go off with strangers… but I hadn't really cared at this point. My sisters made it clear that I wasn't wanted.

Luck be with me he was leaving that night, and it wasn't long before we were in England. The old man known as Watari had been telling the truth then. I was at an orphanage for geniuses like myself. However, I remained closed off. The only thing I really thought of was the toys they had. The first thing I did was immerse myself in them and instantly try to forget about my old life. I had had toys while living with my family, but I only played with them to forget that I was actually living. It was a sad five years for a kid who wanted to forget he was alive.

I was so closed off to the real world at this point, that it took me a solid two minutes before realizing there were others in the room. The first one I noticed was L, who was crouched in front of me and asking me questions. But the one I noticed the most was the blonde in the background. He had his friend with him, a red-head playing a videogame, completely uninterested in his surroundings. But I couldn't help but stare at this blonde. Was he a student here? He must be. Why else would he be here?

It seemed like a while before Watari suggested that the blonde and his friend leave. I tried to tell them it was alright, but I think I may have angered him by accident – though I don't know how – and he left anyway. I was really saddened by his abrupt departure. I honestly had thought he was there to be my friend. Though, the thoughts would soon change.

The teen asked me for my name once again, and I finally answered. "Near. My name is Near."

"Is that your real name?"

I pointed to Watari. "No, but he said I should change it."

The raven-haired teen nodded. "Alright then, Near it is. My name is L."

I nodded at him, then inquired about the two that had just left. He told me their names were Mello and Matt, the top students at the Wammy house.

This only intrigued me more. Mello and Matt, top students and geniuses. I guess I got the preconceived notion that all geniuses looked out for each other, because at that instant I made a mental goal to try and befriend the both of them. I guess I really should have thought it all through before attempting to reach this goal; especially with Mello.


	11. Chapter 11

**(Mello P.O.V)**

It had been a month, a whole goddamn MONTH, and that little albino freak had caught up to me. He was three years younger than me and already he had made his way into the advanced courses I was in. Even more, whenever we weren't in class he'd follow me like a pathetic puppy. Every time I told him to piss off he'd just keep following. He never gave a reason why or spoke to me at all. I tried to control my anger, but that only made it worse. I started eating three to four bars of chocolate a day just to keep myself from punching the kid. L, in his own little way, found it humorous that this shy little freak would become attached to me. He never said anything, thank god, but I could see it in his stupid smirk that he found it adorable.

One other thing that bothered me was that I could no longer have L to myself. If it wasn't me hanging with him, it was Near. I guess this was exactly how B felt when it was only me who could be around L; betrayed, hurt, and angry. If only that little freak knew how angry I could get. Maybe then he'd have left me alone.

Thankfully, Matt was always there to help me. Especially in my classes with Near.

Whenever I got upset or angry, Matt found a way to make me laugh. I would be furiously writing a test – if anything to hand it in before Near – and suddenly, the red-head would drop in and start spraying the teacher with a water gun. If it wasn't something like that, or he was in my class, he would start spouting out something random or completely off topic to help me forget about my anger. It worked most of the time, but other times I wished he would've disappeared… for my sake if anything.

But that's the way he was… the way he is. Him, and his sense of humour, usually made the world around us feel a little bit happier, considering where we came from before.

The nightmares still hadn't stopped, and I was beginning to get desperate. My father was miles and miles away from me, and yet he still haunted my waking dreams. Him and that damnable gun he owned. There were times I could control my dreams – which I thanked – and I could usually get the gun into my own hands. The only thing was… I always pointed it back at him. And I think those dreams scared me the most. Was I capable of killing someone? Even if this someone tortured me in my childhood faze? Could I really do it?

No… no, I didn't like those thoughts. It scared me to think that someone had the capability to murder someone. For god sakes, I was _eight!_ Could I really hate my father enough… to kill him? At that age?

I decided to stop torturing myself and left for daily walks into London. L had caught me leaving my first attempt, but I suppose he saw the desperation in my eyes or something, because he let me go every time. He told me to carry his cell in case of emergency, but I never used it. I doubt I really needed it.

The walks helped but not in the way I wanted them to. I suppose I wanted each step to be a memory killer. To let every step help flood the thoughts and miseries from my mind. If anything though, the walks only made them worse. I found myself interpreting the dreams if anything. I even took some time to look up what others make about dreams like mine. All I could come up with was some nonsense of someone less intelligent than I. It was painstaking, to say the least.

On one of my walks, I came across an old church but greatly ignored it at first. It wasn't until I walked right past it, that a priest had stepped out into the cold December air. "Young man!" he had called.

I kept walking. Considering I still held the femininity of a young girl – god kill me – I didn't think he was speaking to me. Not until I felt a hand on my shoulder did I turn to look at him.

"What," I said rather rudely. I wasn't in the mood to 'talk about the word of God' today.

"Are you alright?" He had asked. "I see you walk through these streets every day and I'm wondering if you're in need of a place to stay. Our chapel has many rooms…"

"No thank you." I interrupted, again in my rudeness. "I have a home, with heat and blankets and people I don't like. I real family, just like your stupid religion."

I suppose that had been uncalled for. However, when my anger reached critical mass, one was hardly able to keep it from bubbling over.

The priest stayed though. He didn't even flinch after what I had said. I don't really why he stayed… but I'm almost glad that he did.

"Come with me." He offered as he gestured toward the church. "I think we must talk, but it's far too cold to do so here."

I only shrugged and went with him. I was pretty cold, and if he wanted to talk, so be it. At this point, nothing he said could make me feel better. I was determined to remain in my bitter mood.

Once we entered the chapel – or church… I'll use both – I was bombarded by the warmth of it all. I saw a service going on through one of the other doors, but really paid no attention to it. I wasn't a very religious person… Still not, to this day, but I usually respect others opinions as long as it's not being forced into my daily life.

The priest took me to a sitting room where I took my seat on a couch. He was rather young to be a priest, but I couldn't have cared less. He seemed like a nice guy, for all I knew, and he didn't seem put off by my rudeness earlier.

He took a seat across from me after retrieving a cup of hot chocolate for myself. He then began with the questions.

"Where are you from?"

"Canada," I said bluntly as I took a sip from my cup. I wasn't gonna tell him where I was from, not today not ever.

"What part of Canada?"

Dammit, the one thing I didn't pay attention to in all my classes; Geography. And the bastard knew it as well to.

I leered at him, before answering truthfully this time. "Germany, but I can't tell you which part."

"Fair enough. But why are you in England?"

"Left my home for a new one. England has what I need…"

"And what is it that you needed, my son?" He interrupted.

I cringed into myself. Remembering why I left. "An escape."

The priest seemed more interested. "And escape? From what?"

My father…

"A monster."

I suppose this is why the priest took me in. He saw the eyes of a helpless child trying to run from something he can't.

The priest nodded at me. "Do you… know this monster? Are you related to him?"

It was scary how much this guy knew just from looking at me. But, I nodded anyway. I had completely forgotten the hot chocolate by now. I was too wrapped up in my own memories.

"Can you tell me about him?"

I sighed, before taking a pause… then I began my story.

I left out the important bits. L, Watari, Matt, the Wammy house… all I told him of was my hell I had to live through the first years of my life. He listened through it all, too. Even when I told him about my anger rising to the point of almost killing my brother. I even spoke of my nightmares. When I had finished everything, his expression hadn't changed. He looked as if he were debating something mentally, the way L did at times, but his look seemed more… human, than L's.

He finally spoke. "Well, it would seem to me that you are a very lucky young man. God seems to shine his light on you more times than not."

I scoffed. "Yeah, god. He's always around, isn't he?"

"Why the sarcasm? You do not believe that god exists?"

"No, and those that do are either extremely stupid, or extremely desperate."

"Why don't _you_ believe, though? Everyone has their own reasons… so what is yours?"

Was this guy serious? He really wanted to know? "Why don't I believe in god? Because he's not there! He's not there to save the weak and mend the broken! He doesn't show up when people are starving in the streets to hand them food and bless them with good fortune! He wasn't there when my father beat me senseless, and my brother kicked me and spat in my eye! He isn't here! So why hold onto the false hope that he'll one day turn up and grant us all that we prayed for!?"

The priest, again, would not flinch. He remained still throughout my entire rampage. It only made me more frustrated, but there wasn't much I could do to let him see my point of view.

He suddenly put a hand on my shoulder. "Whether you believe it or not, god is already here. He manifests himself into that which grants you your prayer. Some may have to work for their prayer to come true. Others, like you, are truly blessed by his presence."

I moved his hand away from me. "What do you mean?"

He grinned at me. "Whether you wish to believe this or not, god was there to help you through everything you endured. He saved you from dying at the hands of your father, he saved you from his wrath. God guided you to the safety you now live in, and even before you ran away, he guided the one that freed you from your brother's torment. And even now, god has guided to me because you were lost and in need."

"I'm not lost. I know…"

"I meant that you were lost from the world. These nightmares plague your mind because you are unsure of how to feel. You hate your father, and you fear him. Yet, at the same time, you wish there had been something better, that he could have loved you like a real father; like a dad."

I stared at him for the longest time. After all that he had said, I was finally speechless.

I looked away. "I still don't believe in god. It doesn't matter what you say."

The priest grinned again. "And I won't force you to believe." He suddenly pulled a rosary from his pocket. "But might I ask you to take this?"

I looked at it from the corner of my eye. It didn't look like much, but, "Yeah… I suppose. But why?"

The priest looped it over my head before saying, "So you will be reminded of god's love for you."

I looked away again. I really didn't want to talk to him anymore, so I found an excuse. "I have to go home now. I'm out longer than I should be."

The priest nodded and showed me the way out. When I was outside again, I took off toward the Wammy house. I only looked back once and saw the priest waving goodbye to me. I waved back with a small grin, then ran faster. I didn't have any classes that day, but the wind was picking up and I didn't want to be caught in a storm.

Funny, I never got the priest's name and he never got mine. Though I doubt I would forget him or his words anytime soon.

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**_A/N: Alright, so I'm not exactly very religious - I'm actually more agnostic - but I did need to mention where Mello gets that Rosary of his, so I thought this would work for my story. I actually really admire the priests - or whoever else - when they don't force their religion on someone. And I've met a few like that, and they're usually so nice._**

**_Or maybe it's because I'm from Canada... :)_**

**_Reviews are welcomed_**


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N: A warning to all readers, this chapter deals with... less than happy discussions towards religion and beliefs. I do not mean any slander towards people and their beliefs. I promise you all this, I was raised to understand those who believe in what they will and I respect those who continue on with what they choose to believe.**_

_**This was a delicate subject for me to take on - being around a christian/atheist/agnostic family - but I hope you all enjoy the chapter nonetheless.**_

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**(Near P.O.V)**

I had only been in the Wammy house for a month now and already I had made it to the top of the class. I guess I should've been happy about it but I wasn't. If anything it made me miserable. The other kids in the house shunned me most of the time, especially Mello… the one who used to be top student. All except for Linda, one of the rare females in the school, ignored me. I was alright with that… but Mello…

I will say that it hurt to be ignored by him. I didn't exactly know how to make friends, being a shy individual, so I followed him and Matt around to become more acquainted. It only made Mello angry though, and I had heard all the rumours floating around the house about his anger and little… inconveniences. However, this didn't worry me. Though I wouldn't want to be in his wake when his anger became too much… I wasn't afraid to be around him. In fact, I always made the conscious choice to sit beside or close to him in class. I believe a part of me wanted me to be like him. To be fearless and tough, not having to be cowardly and hide behind toys. Or maybe it was because I wanted an older brother. I had become so sick of my sisters and their stupidity. Mello was smart, strong, and never gave up. He was everything my sisters were not.

Mello… was almost a hero to me.

Of course, Mello didn't like me… at all. I suppose it was because of who I was. Maybe I was just too smart. Maybe it was because I was like L. Whatever the reason, he still didn't like me nor did he want anything to do with me. And that's when the occasional walks became daily.

I once tried to follow him, but L had stopped me. I don't know why, and he never told me, but I had come to think the walks had more to do with his nightmares than anything else.

He never found out about this, at least I don't believe so, but I had heard him screaming from his nightmares far too often than not. He was in the room next to mine so it wasn't hard to hear him scream bloody murder at one in the morning. I had even gone into his and Matt's room to check on him, but Matt ushered me out. The red head was the only one to explain why he screamed so much. I respected him for being a good friend to Mello, but I never found out how he got him to stop screaming. I suppose some things must remain a mystery.

But I shouldn't be delaying this story further.

On one of Mello's walks, he had returned later than usual and had had a rosary around his neck. I had been accompanying L in his room along with Matt when he joined us. Matt had jumped up to hug him while I merely stared at them in longing. Those two had each other, A had B, and L had Watari. So who did I have?

It surprised me when Mello said nothing to Matt right away. Usually the two were chatting away like school girls. Come to think of it… Mello was a bit more feminine than he'd like, so the role fit him perfectly.

Thank whatever forces reside in this world that Mello couldn't read my mind.

Once he became more aware of his surroundings, he seemed to tense up. Mello was always like that in school. He'd be caught with his guard down for a split second, then the wall of anger would replace it. It didn't faze me one bit, but it seemed to work on the others. I sometimes wished he'd let his anger go so he could just talk to someone, instead of the occasional grunt or scoff. The only ones he _truly_ spoke to were Matt and L… and even with L, it was limited. One could say it was only Matt who knew Mello completely and honestly.

He sat with us after that and we continued on with our discussion about the school's lunch menu. Not that it wasn't good, but Matt seemed to bring up the oddest conversations. The one before this involved turtles and their long lifespan.

Mello never joined in, but merely sat on his chair with a thoughtful expression. He twiddled the rosary in his hands as he thought. I still wish to this day that I had asked him what was bothering him. Maybe it would have made a difference than what was to come.

It was scary when he got angry. I tried not to show fear that day… but I know it was close to a lost cause.

You see, Linda had popped by to ask me if I would join her for a game of football (or soccer, as most know nowadays) but had caught sight of Mello's rosary… and it all went downhill from there.

"Where'd you get that!? It's so pretty!"

He didn't answer her. He merely glared at her. I believe this is what's known as, 'the calm before the storm'. If only Linda had seen it sooner.

"My mummy had one just like it before she died. She said it was her path to god, that every time she held it, it made her feel safer."

"Well, look how well that turned out for her." He had said in a snarky tone. "I guess it was her path to god… if she got there, that is."

"What do you mean? Of course she's by his side. God keeps her close now so that she'll be safe. Why wouldn't she be with him?"

"Well, are you so sure that this 'god' is real?"

"Of course! God created us, he created…"

"Are you _sure_ he did?" Mello interrupted, dropping his rosary to hang on his neck. "Because neither I nor you have seen him… so what makes him real? The fact that you believe?"

"The belief makes him strong… doesn't it?"

Oh Linda, you are such a fool to have given him the ammunition to all this.

"Your belief? Your belief?! Let me tell you something about your 'belief'. It's nothing more than a farce! You were made to believe in something like a powerful being sitting on a cloud, because you simply grew up with it! And now the only reason you find comfort in this 'god' you're so intent on believing in, is because your mother isn't there to give you the same comfort!"

L and Matt said nothing as the blonde started raving on. Though, it was evident that L was unamused.

"God - - he - - he…"

"Isn't there!" Mello yelled at her, bringing tears to her eyes. "He's nothing more than a made up being that people depend on because they're too stupid or desperate to believe in anything else! And, news flash, your mom isn't at his side right now. In fact, I don't think god even cared for her! Otherwise, she'd be alive and caring for you! Oh! A double hitter too! This must mean he hates you too, because he took away the only family that cared for you!"

"Mello!" L warned, something very unlike him.

The blonde mass of anger ignored him though, and kept going. "In fact, if the bible is anything like it says, god made us all in his image. Which means he created the guy who got drunk and slammed his car into your mother's car. Think about it… That was god who killed her. Isn't that how you said she died? She was hit and instantly killed? All while you watched her die from the backseat… what kind of fucked up god does that to a child? And you believe in him… how stupid can one be, to believe in someone who took that away from you?"

"You're lying! Y-you're pitiful and hateful! Nothing you say can turn my faith!" Linda screamed at him, tears flowing down her cheeks.

At this point L grabbed Mello's arm, another warning I suppose, and pulled him back. But it didn't stop him.

"You really think god's on your side? You think he loves all of us? If he loved us, why did he allow us to get maimed and broken beyond repair!? Why did he sacrifice his own creations, and allow the others to be tortured?" He turned to Matt. "Why did he allow your father to throw knives at you!? Why did he let you get beaten and thrown in the trash!?"

Matt seemed hurt by what he said, but stayed silent. It was hard to see with his goggles, but there were definitely tears.

He then turned to me, a new rage in his eyes. "Why did he put you in a family that threw you to the curb?"

His words didn't hurt me as much as he wished. But they did leave an indescribable pain in my heart.

His rage finally calmed down as he looked to the floor. "If god existed, don't you think he'd have more for us than this?"

There was a silence after that. It lasted for a great many minutes before L ushered me, Matt, and Linda out of the room. I suppose he wanted to talk to the blonde alone. It was useless though. What had been said, had been said. Mello had spoken his mind, but it left everyone in tears.

I hugged my arms close to my chest. I felt oddly cold at what Mello had said to me. It was true that most people, including him, knew of my plight. Knew of my arrival and how I had been found. I never made it a secret. Simply, because I didn't care.

Matt's tears seemed to have stopped, and he soon pulled out his game and sat in front of the closed door.

Linda looked aghast. "You're really gonna stay friends with him? After all he said?"

Matt simply looked at her. "You don't know him, Linda. Not like me. Yes, he hurt me pretty bad… but did you stop to think about how much he's hurting? How much he's suffered?"

"Suffered?! He makes _us_ suffer if anything! Always angry at something, and then takes it out on us!"

Matt ignored her after that. He simply went back to his game and pretended like she wasn't there. When she left, however, he uttered one sentence to me as I began to leave.

"He's in so much pain. I wish I could help him."


	13. Chapter 13

_**A/N: Alright, a pretty sucky chapter, but i had to get this whole thing over with before i started on something better. :)**_

_**Reviews are appreciated! **_

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**(Mello P.O.V)**

I wasn't afraid when L closed the door, but I didn't exactly look at him. I almost knew I was in trouble right from the moment I slandered Linda and her stupid belief of god.

Well… I guess it wasn't that stupid. But I… I was justified. Wasn't I?

L finally sat back in his chair and looked at me. "Mello, how could say something like that to Linda? Her beliefs are what help her to keep going, and to get Matt and Near involved was just ridiculous!"

His tone was different than the day we had first met, but I wasn't afraid. He could yell at me like Roger did and I'd still stand my ground. The reason I did? I knew they wouldn't touch me. If they were my father… I'd almost guarantee I'd cower in the corner.

"Mello," his voice changed back to its monotonous muse. "Do you really think you're stronger than everyone when you say stuff like that? Do you truly believe it's brave or honourable…?"

"I wasn't trying to be brave or honourable." I interrupted. "Look, I don't know what happened, she mentioned her dead mother, and I snapped! Do you want me to apologise?! Fine! Bring the little bitch back in here, and I'll apologise!"

"Mello!"

I flinched a bit when he said my name like that. Maybe because I expected to be hit. I shouldn't have thought that way, but it was the only thing I learned from my childhood.

I shook my head. "She doesn't know what the real world is like because she hides behind something fools created for that very purpose." I was calm when I said this, but still stiff from my previous escapade. "She doesn't see the people that suffer silently and cry themselves to sleep because she doesn't _want_ to see. If she knew anything about the real world, she'd know that not everything is happy sunshine and rainbows."

L seemed to hear what I said. But I expected a counter to follow, like always.

"You are correct. The world is a corrupt and rotting husk in the eyes of one who has been through nothing but such. And usually, it is the strong who survive this horrid place." He paused, looking into my eyes. "However, to those that go through pain and toil of unimaginable proportions, yet live every single day with a smile on their face? _They_ are the strongest of all. Linda is a rare case of this. She knows of the pain she went through, but her belief gives her comfort and therefor she smiles through this pain for the sake of others. Can't you agree with this?"

I didn't answer him. I wanted nothing to do with this subject. Religion and beliefs were nothing but a fairy-tale now.

"Mello, the pain you went through with your father was indeed harsh. But is it really fair to take out your anger on others? Does this not make you what you hate? Your own father beat you senseless because of his rage, and now you're close to doing the same. What if Matt is your first victim…?"

"Never!" I yelled. "I'll always protect him! I could never hurt him! He's my best friend and brother! If I ever hurt him, I'll take my own life!"

L seemed to be taken back by what I had said, yet he managed to keep his voice even. "You would take your own life… for Matt? Why do that?"

I lowered my head in thought. "Because no one deserves what I went through. No one I love will ever endure that torture."

I held my left arm where I still bore the scars my father left me in his worst of tirades. Matt wasn't the only one who had seen a blade or two in his life. I remembered it was the reason I stopped talking in my household. The fear it left me… and the nightmares of what followed still haunt me every time I close my eyes.

L never saw the scars, but he did today. When I rolled up my sleeve to show the knife marks even deeper than the ones on Matt. His were nicks compared to the lines I bore. It was one of the many reasons I changed my shirt quickly or out of sight. I was scared of the questions that would follow.

"What happened to you? Why didn't you show me these earlier?" L seemed shocked in his own little way. Not bug eyed or scared… but there was definitely something in his tone that screamed shock and dismay.

I rolled down my sleeve. "He pushed me into the kitchen counter one day, and it hurt so much that I stood up to him. I told him to stop or I'd call the police, told him he'd be taken to jail. That's when he started throwing knives at me, telling me he'd kill me if I did that. When I didn't die from the one that cut my arm… he pointed a handgun at my forehead... and I blacked out from fear. It was the only time he legitimately tried to kill me."

I hadn't noticed right away that I began to curl into a ball in my seat. The memories were too much I suppose. Funny how my memories were all around that gun and not the knives.

Thankfully, L was there.

He scooped me up and held me close when I began to shake from the oncoming tears. It was the first time he had heard of what my nightmares really were. The first time he had heard of the gun. And like a real older brother, he was there to help me through it.

I didn't cry like I had the first few times remembering my dreams, but I cried. I only hoped L wouldn't think less of me because of it.

When I stopped crying, I finally made my last argument. "If god was real, why did he let me live through the torture my father inflicted? Why does he remind me of it every night and day? Why was I the only one to get hurt? Just… why?"

L held me closer. "I'm not a strong believer of god myself, Mello. One could say I was agnostic. I can't prove he's there, and I can't prove he isn't. Not even L can do that. But if he did exist, I would like to believe he made you go through all this to make you a stronger person. And, from what I can see, you are a stronger person."

"How so?"

L took a long, patient breath. "I don't know that your father would be willing to sacrifice himself for those he loved."

"If he loves anyone." I said in the driest of humour. But it was true. The man only loved himself, if nothing else.

I finally let go of the hug and L set me back on the floor. I knew what I had to do now… though I sorely despised having to do so. Maybe I just hated to be wrong or to look like the bad guy.

"Do you think you could get Linda back so I can apologise?"

"I suppose I could. Though, don't be surprised if she doesn't listen to you. Everything you said was more than hurtful, you understand."

I nodded, but insisted on the meeting anyway.

I suppose I could've blamed her for everything, but I didn't. My anger caused all of it, but I wasn't below apologising for it. I did make a sincere apology to Linda as well, and she did forgive me – albeit with a hug I didn't return… nor enjoyed – but I'd have to watch how I controlled this rage I carried from now on. Although I was nothing like my father, I still held the risk of hurting someone I cared for. Namely, Matt. In time though, I had hoped to gain control before L chose who his successor would be. It wouldn't look very good if L's successor was always cursing at his clients because of their religious beliefs.


	14. Chapter 14

**(Matt P.O.V)**

It had been a long day at the Wammy house, considering Mello's little tirade, and it was now time for bed. Well, for me, Mello, Near, and all the other younger kids. The teenagers got to stay up a bit longer, but I didn't really care. Night time was the best time for me. I could take my goggles off and not have the glare hurt me, me and Mello could talk until we fell asleep, and if we were lucky, L would come in and read stories to us.

Near had begun to join us in the evening when L would read to us, much to Mello's distaste, and had chosen more times than not to fall asleep on the blonde's lap. I guess that's why he had started hating story time. I myself found it completely humorous. It was almost adorable the way the five-year-old clung to Mello, though of course I never said anything.

Near had yet again fallen asleep on Mello's lap, and I tried my best not to laugh. The look the blonde had on his face was priceless. L had only just finished his story when he took notice of this as well. We both found it amusing that this little ball of white would be attached to ticking time bomb of a blonde. Again, it was priceless.

Mello was about to move so Near couldn't touch him, when L stopped him. "Let him rest. He doesn't get a lot of sleep as it is, so he needs this."

"But why me!?" Mello exclaimed quietly.

L shrugged. "Maybe because he thinks of you as an older brother. You know he only had two sisters, and they were very cruel to him."

"So _I_ have to suffer?"

I nudged Mello playfully. "Hey c'mon, it's not that bad. You two could be like A and B."

Mello pushed me to the floor after that and I chuckled quietly. It wasn't long until we were told to go to bed by L, who had picked up Near – much to Mello's relief – and had taken him to his own room. After we had crawled into bed, I turned on my Gameboy and started up a conversation with Mello.

"So, are you okay now?"

"What do you mean?" He asked as he rolled his covers around him. The December air was getting to all of us. Although Christmas would be soon coming, the cold was still annoying… even with the heaters on.

"Your little rant about god today. How do you feel now?"

"Tired… that's pretty much it. I shouldn't have gotten that angry though. It's unfair to everyone else."

"Don't even worry about it. Linda should've known by now what makes you blow up. If she learned that prior to, I think all that could've been avoided."

"I suppose. Though, I have been thinking…"

He had stopped right there. He never really did say what was on his mind, though I thought this was a little more important than his usual demeanor.

"What? What have you been thinking about?"

Mello was quiet for a long time. I had actually thought he had fallen asleep until…

"…I've been thinking about ending it. All of it."

I had to pause my game and look at him to see if I was hearing it right. "Mel? You… you don't mean…"

"C'mon Matt, it's the best escape for me. No more nightmares, no more anger. I wouldn't be living in the same world as my father…"

"But Mels, killing yourself! How would L feel if you did that?! How do you think _I_ would feel?! Why would you even consider this?!"

"Because maybe I'm tired of being the bad guy." He hissed at me. "Maybe I'm tired of looking in the mirror and only seeing a reflection of my own dad!"

Mello only ever spoke of his father once before in front of me. And he wasn't so happy about it all. Though, he never told me why he hated his dad so much… until now.

"So… your dad was a lot like you, then?"

"No," he said as he lay back on his pillow. "He was worse. He'd beat me and scream at me for no reason. And the only one who cared about me was my mother. Not even my own brother cared about me. I'm almost too sure he wanted me dead anyway. So, when I had my chance, I kicked my brother's sorry ass and ran away from home. My ass of a father followed, but he never found me. I met L, he took me in, and now here I am."

The way he told it was almost forced. Like he didn't want to tell me, but he knew it was better that he did. However way he told it, I still found the ammunition to help with the suicidal thoughts.

"So," I said as I sat up a bit. "You're gonna end your life for the same man that wanted you dead?"

"What? No, I…"

"You're gonna end it because of something a sorrowful bastard did to you? Because he feels beating up a child will compensate for the lack of balls he has to be a father!? You, Mello, are an idiot!"

"You don't understand…"

"I don't? Well, here's a pitcher for ya. My father threw knives at me, my mother ran off after I was born, my grandmother died before I was three, and the only friend I have in this entire world is you! So don't look at me and say I don't understand, because I do. And I have thought about suicide, thank you, but I stop those thoughts when I think about how much it would kill you if I did that, how much it would kill L to go through that. I stop those thoughts because I know that if I have you, L, and this school, I can be happy. Why can't you see the same thing?"

Mello, for once, had been put in his place… by me no less. He was silent for a long while, which only made me nervous.

Whenever it came to suicide, I never liked to speak of it. It was such a touchy subject for me, and it had only gotten worse when I found out about A being suicidal. I had even found the guy cutting his wrist in the bathroom before he slammed the door on me. Now, I truly feared for his safety. I only hoped B would help him after I had told him.

Mello finally got out of bed and padded his way towards me. When he had crawled into my bed he hugged me closely. I won't lie, I thought he was going to strangle me or something. But after realising that he wouldn't hurt me, I hugged back.

"Danke," was all he said. I had learned enough German from him to know it meant 'thank you'.

"No problem." I replied as I hugged him tighter. I was only seven at the time, but I knew from times like these, it would only make the friendship I shared with Mello stronger.

When the hug ended, Mello went back to his bed, grabbed his pillow and blanket, and then walked back to my bed. After asking why he wanted to sleep in my bed that night, he replied with, "I already know I'm gonna have nightmares, so why go through the torture first if I'm gonna end up here later."

Couldn't argue with that logic… not that I wanted to.

That night was peaceful and quiet. No nightmares from Mello, and no worries from me. Although, there was a certain air that made shiver at some moments. I didn't know until the morning what it really was. And still to this day, I wished I hadn't been woken.

* * *

_**A/N: I feel like I don't write enough with Matt... Yet he's one of my favourites. :)**_

_**Reviews are welcomed.**_


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Warning, bad chapter alert, but I promise it'll get better. :)**

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**(B P.O.V)**

I stared at the lifeless body in front of me that used to be A. Adrian Harris, December fifth, 2000. Just like I had seen above his forehead. It was pitiful, to say the least. The bastard had hung himself from his bedpost while I slept. I only just noticed the body, but I didn't feel a bit surprised. I saw it coming a mile away. The poor idiot had been cutting himself for close to a year now. He always managed to hide it though.

This didn't stop me from being angry. I was angry that this could happen, that L could let this happen. Had he not seen the signs as clearly as I had? Or maybe he let this happen. Maybe he truly saw it all, but just didn't care. That had to be it… That Bastard!

I decided to let L know at this point, but I couldn't let him see my anger. Not until I got close enough. So I put on my best acting face… and screamed.

The whole house had awoken from my scream and came running. It was perfect. The rest of the little brats would see what L was truly doing to all of them. Luck was on my side when Matt – now third in line, thanks to Near – was the first to enter my room, though his reaction surprised even me. He didn't look scared… but rather pale. He didn't even take a second glance at A, but chose to look at me; as if _I_ murdered him.

I heard Watari guide the kids to their rooms when they all started to panic at the sight. The only one that didn't move, was Matt. He continued to stay in his spot… staring me down.

That's when L entered the room.

He had put a hand on Matt's shoulder and tried to lead him away, but the brat still wouldn't budge. What was he seeing?

"What happened, B?"

Again, I acted my way through it with pretend fear. "I just woke up and… and…"

"B, calm down. Did you see any signs before this? Did you see A cutting himself, or…"

I had to stop myself from smiling at the memory of A slicing his arm. It was more difficult than I imagined. "No… no, this is all new to me. He never…"

"He's lying." Matt said quietly. It certainly grabbed L's attention, though I had to stop myself from simply leering at him.

"What do you mean Matt?"

"He's lying about A. He knew A was sick and he did nothing. He didn't even tell you."

How the hell had he known? How did he know about me not helping him? I swear I almost wanted to kick the little brat for reading me.

"Matt, you don't know…"

"But I do know. I saw A cutting himself and I told B about it. He's lying to you right now."

"You saw him cutting!?" I exclaimed, still acting. "Why didn't you stop him!?"

"I tried, but he slammed the bathroom door on me. L wasn't here at the time and Roger was out, so I told you. Why didn't you help him? You were his best friend, he loved you! Why didn't you talk…?"

"Listen you little shit…!" My anger boiled over at what he said. I knew A loved me, not in the way you might think, but there was love there. Almost like the way L loved his sweets, or Mello loved chocolate. Hell, I think it was close to the way Matt loved Mello.

Suddenly, L blocked us. "Don't take this out on Matt, simply because you were caught in your own lie. A's death is not on you, but you should have said something if you knew."

"Oh? Then what's _your_ excuse?"

"What are you talking about? I've done nothing to A or you for that matter."

"A was trying to become the best, to take your place! The least you could've done was acknowledge him or congratulate him. Instead, you push him until he's at his limit! He's wanted to kill himself for years now, and years he suffered because of you! Next thing you know, it'll be Mello or Near who dies because of the pressure! How would you feel then?! Because you don't look too mournful of Adrian right now!"

L backed away a little bit, confusion and a bit of fear drawn on his face. "H-how… how do you know A's real name?"

My blood boiled. My anger surfaced to new proportions. How could I make this mistake!? How!? HOW!

I blacked out from the anger, and when I came to, I was in a strait jacket and my head throbbed painfully. What had happened?

* * *

**(Matt P.O.V)**

I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of what B had done. The guy looked like a jungle cat when he pounced onto L screaming at him in some kind of language I had no way of knowing. The guy was actually trying to kill L! He was grabbing at his throat and scratching at his face… and I couldn't do anything to stop him.

I watched on as L fought to be free of B's grip, all while the lunatic screamed the word 'Kill' at him. I was almost to tears at the sight. L was going to die if I didn't do anything.

Although it has never been in my character to deliberately hurt someone, I did what I had to be done to save L's life. I grabbed the nearest object – an old candle holder I believe it was – and hit B over the head as hard as I could. My arms were shaking when he fell to the floor, unconscious. We had learned in one of the classes I shared with Mello and Near that there was a perfect place to hit someone over the head so they'd be knocked out for about an hour or so. I couldn't thank enough gods that I remembered it right then and there.

When L had backed away from B, he kneeled in front of me and hugged me close. I suppose he saw the fear still coursing through me at the time, but it didn't matter. I hugged him back and didn't let go for a long time.

Police had come and taken B away to somewhere I was not told of, but I was only glad that he was gone. I could read B like a book some days, and what I read terrified me to no end. I knew his true intentions… I knew he longed to kill. Why didn't I tell anyone? Simple… I might have been his first victim had I done so.

When the police had taken B to his new 'home', and A's body was also out of sight, I rushed off to find Mello awake in my bed. I was thankful he hadn't seen what went down. I was surprised that he hadn't heard the scream.

I told him everything about B attacking L and he was hooked on every word. After I finished with B, I told him how A was gone and he fell into a morose state.

I gave him a hug when he wouldn't respond to me, and thankfully he hugged back. When he spoke, his words made my heart quake.

"If this had been me… if I had done this… I'm so sorry Matt. I won't ever leave you feeling like this. Not ever."


	16. Chapter 16

_**A/N: I know these last few chapters have been pretty sad, but I promise it's going to get happier!**_

* * *

**(Near P.O.V)**

I won't lie to you, A's death was the first I'd ever witnessed. His was the first funeral I went to, and still I didn't cry. I suppose I wanted to look brave for L and Mello, but I felt more pain the more I held it all in. Mello hadn't cried, neither had L, but I suppose that was their natures. They've both been through so much it's close to impossible to feel anguish or pain. But maybe that was just my imagination. A five year olds own deduction. Maybe it wasn't that far off.

When I was alone I cried… only a little though. A would have been first to succeed L had it not been for me. I suppose I felt guilty that he took his own life because of the pressure. The pressure I created the moment I stepped foot into the Wammy house. Even Mello was being pressured because of me. I sometimes wondered if he'd end up the same way. I didn't like that thought.

Mello was strong, and I was not. Yet somehow I knew he was intimidated by me. It took me a short time to rise to the top, whereas it took him a few months, if not years. I knew for a fact that he hated me for it… but what could I do? I was smart and in a place where it was looked highly upon. I would've thought Mello would like me for that. Instead, he alienated me and made sure I was always alone. It was probably the most painful time of my life.

I was alone in my room, stacking dominoes while thinking of recent events. A's death, B's attack… there was much to think about. I had built a tower of dominoes when Mello had shown up. I was glad to see him, but I did wonder why he was there. It didn't take long to find out.

"So What'cha doing?" He asked in a tone I hadn't heard from him before. It wasn't like he cared, but there was wonder.

I shrugged. Talking to people wasn't my strong suit. Every time I opened my mouth, I seemed to insult someone. It wasn't like I meant it, but it happened. I suppose I was on a level no one could comprehend.

Mello sat next to me then. I had wondered if he would kick down my tower like he had so many times in the past. I guess that was his payback for… something I did.

"I'm guessing A's was the first death you've had to go through. I could tell at his funeral how much you wanted to cry."

This wasn't like the usual way he spoke to me. He seemed to treat me like a child… an actual, normal, child. But why? Why now of all times?

I looked at him through my bangs, but he seemed to know my question before I had a chance to even think about it.

"It's not that common for you to show emotion, but when it does surface I'm able to detect it. It's like a gift or something."

I nodded again, still holding back the tears.

Compassion wasn't something Mello was known for on a regular basis, but he was kind on his own occasions. Like now for example.

He put a hand on my back. "You know, Matt cried for A. He's not ashamed of it."

"Then why didn't you?" I asked quietly. I truly did want to know what strength Mello had to keep from crying.

He shrugged. "Can't say. I don't really know myself. But that shouldn't stop you from showing some kind of emotion. If you keep things bottled up, like A did… you may wind up with the same fate."

I stared at the floor for the longest time after that. I think I was just scared to look at Mello. What would happen if I cried in front of him? Would he go telling everyone what a baby I was? I was already ostracised enough in this school, did he want to make it worse?

"Why are you here?" I asked rather rudely. I wasn't letting him get to me, especially today.

Mello sighed heavily. "Because I don't want you to end up like A or me. Constantly bottling things up until we either explode or…" He stopped before he could come close to the words. Something told me he would bring up suicide, but maybe it was just that specific day. "Look, I know and you know that I don't like you. But I won't sit back and watch kids drop one by one because no one's there to help them. L isn't around twenty-four-seven, and I doubt Roger or any other teacher can help us that easily. The Wammy house doesn't need that pressure."

I wanted to believe him. Really I did. I wanted to think he cared for all of the younger kids… that he cared for me. But something in the back of my mind just wouldn't allow me to believe it.

"Please go away, Mello."

He didn't say anything. He simply got up and head for the door. Once he closed it, I began to cry again. I was five at the time. Five, considerable genius, and in line to be L's successor. Yet, even with all that, I still didn't understand the concept of death. Perhaps I didn't want to understand it. Perhaps I wanted to believe that the world didn't have death… only life. But again… I was only five.

* * *

**(Mello P.O.V)**

Near was hard-headed, that was for sure, and I still hated him as much as I did, but how could I sit back and watch the little egg head suffer with his own feelings? It was cruel, to anyone really, and so I tried to talk to him. Tried to coax him into letting go and just let it out. I know how difficult it was to do that, but for someone who's so young?

I decided to leave him alone. Besides, Matt needed me more. He had felt guilty for A's death… I think we all did. None of us saw it coming, or maybe we did and we just didn't want to see it. When you're a kid, the concept of life and death is so faded you almost don't know what it is. You don't see death, you only see life. Then, once you've witnessed death, life just seems… pointless. You know it'll come someday, so why keep trying?

I suppose I shouldn't be talking like this, but it's difficult not to. Life was probably the most difficult thing to go through. To have it all end… is scary. Especially for a bunch of kids. And that's why I spoke with Near. He was five years old, and had just went through his first death. No kid should have to deal with that kind of stuff.

It was evening when Matt fell asleep in his bed. I suppose he wasn't in the mood to play video games until midnight. It did give me the chance to walk around the house in thought. Studies were postponed for a week due to A's… absence, so I would have time to study later. I had been munching on a chocolate bar when I had found the little albino sitting in the rec room staring out the window. It was the first time I saw him without any toys in his hands. He usually had those creepy finger puppets if nothing else.

I walked up to him, snapping a bit of chocolate off the main bar. He hadn't noticed me until I offered the bit to him. When all he gave me was a look of question, I simply said, "It dulls the pain. Trust me."

I think he was just too sad to argue but he took it with a small thank you. For the rest of my visit I stayed silent along with him. And for the next month and a half, I was kind to Near. At least until we all got back to the same rhythm that was the Wammy house. But even then, it was difficult to really forget the tragic event that happened to one of our own.

A, L's first in line, and best friend to B… was gone.


	17. Chapter 17

_**A/N: Hey guys, sorry for the wait, but I have homework and other assignments I need to do so the chapters are going to slow down a bit. I'll try my best to update when I can. **_

_**Also, I'd like to apologize for this chapter as it is not my best work. Next one will be better **_

* * *

**(Matt P.O.V)**

A whole year went by like the speed of a snail… if he were riding a Ferrari. It seemed like only a day had gone by since the death of A and departure of B. L hadn't been around too often since then either. Not that he was ignoring us per say, but rather it was like he was avoiding the cold feeling around the house. I always had the feeling like L was scared of death. Scared to be around it. Maybe that's why he hid behind a monitor. He was scared to face something he knew nothing about.

But I'm off topic.

It was close to Christmas time once again at the Wammy house, and we were all hoping this year would be happier than last. I don't even remember there being a Christmas the year before. Maybe it got cancelled because of the events. But this year seemed better. B was in an Asylum and therefore could not hurt us, and L had even joined us for the holidays. All but one person seemed to be in a good mood.

Mello had become sadder as the months rolled by. He didn't really seem like himself anymore. Not even Near got to him. He was just… Melancholy.

He didn't make the effort to get out of bed one morning, so I tried to talk to him. That was a complete bust, so I went to L. He didn't seem to fare any better. Mello just simply stayed in his bed, not even munching on his beloved chocolate. Something was definitely wrong with him.

L tried to speak to him once more. "Mello, are you feeling alright?"

No answer. It made me sad to see my best-est friend look so low.

"Mello, if something's wrong you know you can talk to me. Could you please say something to me, anything at all?"

Finally, I saw his eyes shift towards L. "They've all forgotten."

"Forgotten?"

"A and B. How quickly A died, and fast it took B to turn on you. Everyone's forgotten what they've done."

A and B? Was he seriously thinking about them? Why?

L seemed to get it right away. Probably because he was L. "And you haven't."

Mello sat up. "Everyone has forgotten how easily it was for A to take his own life! Who's to say it won't happen again?! What if we lose another kid? Who do we blame?!" His behaviour began to get erratic now. Almost uncontrollable. "Why does god allow this to happen!? Is this some kind of game! A sick thrill for the 'all mighty god'! I just want to know why!"

L suddenly pulled Mello into a hug to calm him. He had begun to scream at this point which was causing attention around the orphanage. I closed our door so other kids wouldn't look in to see the raging blonde lose himself.

L didn't break the hug until Mello's heavy breathing calmed down a bit. I have to admit, seeing Mello go ballistic like that was refreshing to me. It meant that somewhere deep down he was still the same blonde that I had become friends with.

Mello finally spoke again. "It's just not fair. I begged god to kill me so many times… and he goes and does the opposite. It should have been me instead of A. I've wanted to be free of this world for so long… I… I just…"

He was sobbing now. All this time had gone by, and he still wanted to die. He had promised me that he wouldn't go through with it. Made a solemn vow… just for me. I instantly felt guilty for making him feel like this. Like it was an obligation for him to feel miserable just to make me feel just a bit happy.

L pulled him into another hug. "Mello, perhaps now would be the best time for you to seek help."

"What do you mean?"

"You can't hold this in like A did. That was a mistake he made because he lacked communication. Had I known beforehand what was going on with A, I would've done anything in my power to help him. B failed to realize this and so he blamed me. I carry that guilt with me wherever I go. And I don't think I'll be able to take the guilt of losing you. So I ask you, are you willing to seek help for this… turmoil?"

I finally crawled onto Mello's bed to join in on the hug. I didn't say anything, but I'm too sure that he got the message.

"Yes," he said quietly. "I'll accept help."

L hugged us both a bit tighter. "Good. I couldn't stand to lose you. To have someone you love like family die before your own time… It's a feeling no one should live with."

"Did you really care that much for A?" I asked.

L nodded. "And for B as well. Though… with what's happened…"

I gave him a look. "What do you mean?"

I suppose L caught himself. "It's nothing important." He let us go. "But you two should be outside or something. It's not good for kids your age to be inside all day. I believe you two are officially on holidays until January, yes? You should enjoy your time."

Mello and I nodded as L left the room. Before I was able to jump off the bed, Mello pulled me into another hug.

"I'm sorry, Matt. I know you said I shouldn't be thinking this way. But I just… I can't…"

I hugged him back. "Don't worry about it, Mel. Please, let's just go outside and play. We could throw snowballs at the older kids that called us fags yesterday. You know we're faster than them, plus L might join in later on if we ask."

Mello hopped out of bed excitedly. "Let's get to it then! I've been meaning to get back at those assholes since yesterday anyway."

Things were back to normal again. Well, for a while at least. I had Mello back for the most part, and things were finally looking up for us. The only thing I had to worry about now, was how fast J, S, and R could run after we threw snowball at them.


	18. Chapter 18

**(Mello P.O.V)**

I snickered as another snowball hit J in the back of the head. Matt and I had been beaning him and his buds for fifteen minutes now, and they were getting mad. They even got Torrik involved to try and get us back. I had to admit, this was better than sitting in my room and sulking over nothing. Besides, it was no way for me to celebrate my birthday.

I didn't tell Matt that it was my birthday. It was a terrible day for me to remember anyway. It was the day I almost died at my father's hand, the day I ran away, and… the day my life changed. December thirteenth. My own personal hell for a day.

I was ten years old now. A whole decade of my life had passed by like a film. Half of that life was spent in fear of my own family. The other half with the other Wammy house kids. I had spent the first half of my life alone and scared, and the second half tough with Matt at my side. I was hoping today would be special, but it wasn't. In fact, it just reminded me all the more how much damage my family actually did. My father's bruises were long gone by now, as were my brothers. But like a ghost, unable to pass onto the next realm, their shadowy memories lay over me like the veil of a bride. I would never rid myself of these suffocating memories, no matter how hard I tried. This fact made it all the worse for me.

I suddenly felt a snowball hit my face and I went down. I was about to get up and start throwing again, when my head lit up with a terrible flashback:

_"Get up!" He screamed. "Get up, you stupid shit!"_

_He kicked me when I didn't stand. My own father kicked me after beating me to ear death. Did he really want me to die this way?_

_Again, I didn't stand fast enough for him and he grabbed my hair, throwing me across the room. I hit a mirror and it shattered. My mother had tried to stop him, but he was too far gone. She only wound up getting herself hurt._

_"Please god," I mumbled to myself. "Please kill me. Kill me now."_

_I really wish he hadn't heard that. He had grabbed me by the hair again and raised me to his eye level. "You really believe god would want _you_ by his side? You're nothing more than an accident. Unwanted and unloved. Julius is the only son I'll ever want…"_

_"Daddy, please!"_

_He threw me to the floor and kicked me again. "You aren't my son. You aren't worth our name."_

_He spat on me then and left the room. I struggled on my own, but I managed to stand up. As soon as I hobbled into my room, I shut the door and began to cry silent tears. How could any child live like this on their own birthday?_

Apparently, I didn't get back up. It was like I had been knocked out. J, S, R and Torrik had even gone to get Roger who came outside immediately with L in tow. At least, that's what I was told by Matt. He stayed by my side like a loyal friend and commanded that the others go get help. I sometimes think that Matt embellished the story a bit since I really couldn't see his character giving any commands to anyone.

I was rolled over gently by Roger so he could assess the damage. I didn't even look at them. I was too scared to. My little flashback had me thinking I was back home and being beaten all over again. That in a matter of seconds, I'd be reduced to nothing more than an accident once again. My birthday… my hell… it was all too real.

I was tired now. So tired it was almost impossible. I blacked out, shivering and lost. My world was now nothing… and I was ready to give up.

The thought of death did not scare me, nor did it make me feel sick. I was happy to be given this opportunity. To be free of the nightmares, the memories, the horrible flashbacks. I didn't care if I never saw Matt or L again; I wanted to be free.

I didn't get my wish though.

When I opened my eyes, I found that I ended up in some place I really didn't know of. It wasn't a place of death or wherever souls go to rest. It was more like I was watching a movie. Everything was hyper-realistic and bright. White feathers fell from the sky and a large tree with bright green grass grew around me. The tree was massive to say the least. Beautifully touching the sky. None of the feathers seemed to catch on the branches, but rather disappeared once they touched the grass.

Everything about this place was beautiful. Everything, but a tiny, rotting root that grew out from under the tree. Something about it was just not right.

When I went to touch the root, my mind clouded in darkness and pain so I backed away. When I went near the tree however, every bit of me felt at peace. There was happiness there as well, but it wasn't as strong as the root's sadness. How interesting it was, that pain had so much more power over happiness… yet it was so small. Barely even noticeable.

Like A. So much power and potential, yet his sadness overcame him. He embraced that sadness, that darkness he felt, and now he was gone. The feeling was so powerful, but felt so wrong. Yet, people seem to choose darkness over light more times than not. People like me.

A feather landed on my nose and I quickly grabbed it. The feather itself was soft and smelled like fresh rain. It was almost like having my mother right beside me once again.

My mother… my anchor… the one thing in my life that made my tortured life just a tiny bit bearable. I missed her. I missed her smile, her comfort, her love. I missed having her hold me when I was in pain, or to be there when I needed her most. Above all, I missed her hugs. The warm hugs only a mother knew how to give.

I looked back at the tree and saw it began to fade. The root was disappearing along with it, and the density of the feathers began to increase. My dream was fading. The only good dream I had had in a long while. And one I would never forget.

* * *

When I awoke, I was in the infirmary of the Wammy house. Matt was sleeping soundlessly at my side, as loyal as ever. I swear, he was like a puppy some days.

L was there as well, though he was reading a book while in his little position on a chair and didn't take notice of me until I tried to sit up.

"Mello!" He exclaimed quietly as so he wouldn't wake Matt. He seemed genuinely worried for my wellbeing, though it was hardtop tell with him.

When he had hugged me out of relief, he mentioned the snowball fight and how I passed out from getting hit. I wonder if that was true. I don't really remember anything from before the dream, so it might have been the case.

"The nurse said something was wrong with your heart but she couldn't figure out what. When she thought she had done everything to help, you returned to normal."

"What do you mean by, 'normal'?" I asked.

L's demeanor went back to his usual lax self. "You weren't breathing on your own, and you had a few seizures. Everyone was worried you were going to die. When your vitals returned to normal… we didn't know what to do. We were unsure whether to take you to a better health center, or to wait. After about a day, you seemed to be alright."

"A day? How long have I been here?"

"Two and a half days. We were going to relocate you in the morning if you didn't wake. Thankfully we won't have to."

"And Matt? How long has he been here?"

"Same time. Two and a half days. He wanted to make sure you were okay, so I gave him permission to be here. He was worried beyond reason for you, to a point of insanity. He even tried to talk to you, however, you can imagine the outcome."

Two and a half days? Had it been that long? And Matt… he stayed by my side that entire time. Like a true best friend.

Speaking of the little red-head, he had begun to stir at this point and even opened an eye. It didn't take him long to notice my consciousness and he soon flung himself toward me for a hug. I didn't hesitate to hug back, because whatever heavenly, dreamlike purgatory I was in for the last few days, was nothing compared to the happiness that emanated from this little red-head I knew as a friend. My best friend. The one that had kept all those nightmares away for me when I needed him to.

Maybe that's why I hadn't had a nightmare those few days. My Matt was there to keep them away. Like he always was.

* * *

**_Reviews are welcomed :)_**


	19. Chapter 19

_**A/N: I apologize for the wait, but this site has been troublesome for me these past few days - along with current festivities invading my life -. I did have this chapter done for Christmas, but I had other things to attend to that day, so I apologize yet again. **_

_**Reviews are welcomed**_

_**and happy holidays. :)**_

* * *

**(Near P.O.V)**

Christmas made its way around again, but it wasn't particularly my most favourite holiday. My sisters did leave me in a forest before said holiday, but it's what got me to the Wammy house so I couldn't complain too much.

Mello was out of the hospital wing of the house before Christmas, but he was tired most of the days that followed. Mainly due to the heavy drugs. Matt was there to help him though, and he didn't push me away when I tried to help, which made me happy. I'd like to think it was a Christmas miracle that Mello would actually accept help from me. But the day had only just gotten started.

As a treat, L's top three students – Mello, Matt, and myself – got to spend Christmas at his side the entire day. He did of course get us presents, but just being by his side would have been enough. Although, I'm almost too sure L favoured us over everyone else. A little more on Mello's side than mine or Matts. But there was still that brotherly love for all of us.

The day was spent mainly in Mello and Matt's room. Mello himself was too tired and sick from the drugs to really move around, so he stayed in bed. He didn't even care that I was in his vicinity, he just wanted to rest. He only opened one present, and that was the one Matt had gotten him; a chocolate bar bigger than his own ego. Matt seemed touched that Mello fought through whatever pain he was in just to open up his gift. Even I grinned at it.

I would never tell Mello this, but for a while I had been observing him and Matt's relationship. It would seem Matt cared more for the blonde than he would like to admit. It wasn't even considered "Brotherly" anymore. I'd even go as far as saying the red-head _loved_ Mello. But, maybe I wasn't seeing things correctly. Maybe my jealousy was just over crowding my judgement.

Yes, I could admit it. I was jealous of Matt. He barely had to do a thing to get Mello's attention, whereas I had to make the blonde angry enough to yell at me for attention. It was frustrating some days, knowing I couldn't do anything to change how he saw me. But then… it was always frustrating. No one liked me at the Wammy house. No one but L and the other adults. And that's why I turned to Mello. He wasn't liked much either, so I thought it made us akin of sorts. Stupid me.

Mello was in and out of sleep at this point and Matt openly debated on drawing on his face with a marker. L had to stop his thoughts from becoming reality, a talent when dealing with Matt, but I stayed silent. I didn't like anything that had to do with pranks. Mainly due to my sisters pranking me in their own little ways. Lipstick while I slept, putting a black-light in my room so my hair would glow. And my favourite, neon pink in my shampoo. Lord how I hated pranks.

I decided to focus on Mello again. His breathing had slowed down to a steady pace, signifying sleep.

"He's really not feeling well, is he?" I asked.

"No," L replied. "I'm afraid he's not. I can't explain why, but he's definitely not well. That's why we're here. Just to make sure everything stays… calm."

Matt nodded. "I wish I could help."

"You've done all you can do, Matt. Just trust that everything will be fine. Now come on," he said as he stood up. "I need someone to help set up lunch for sleeping beauty here. I'd ask Watari, but I promised him the day off."

Matt stood, but I didn't. "You two go. I'm… too deep in thought."

L just walked away with a slight shrug, but Matt commented with, "Remind me to use that excuse next time I wanna stay in my room and play video games."

As they left, I heard a soft grumble come from the bed.

"Where are they going?"

I said nothing for a few seconds before gathering up the courage to speak. "To get you some food."

Mello shifted his hazy eyes toward me. There was no anger or resentment in them. Just exhaustion. "Okay then."

He closed his eyes again and we drifted into an uncomfortable silence. I had thought he'd fallen asleep again, until I heard him say, "You're too quiet."

I looked at him again to see his eyes on me once more. "I'm sorry?" I asked.

The blonde shifted his head to a more comfortable spot. "I'm not used to silence. Not when I sleep. Matt snores like an elephant on acid; stupidly loud. But even before him there was always something for me to listen to. It was mostly my father's drunken parties, but it helped me sleep. Don't know how though."

"Some people need noise to sleep to. It helps them feel secure. Like they're not alone in the world. I read about it in our psych course."

Mello hummed. "Makes sense. For me at least. I don't know what I'd do if I ended up alone."

Was this really happening? Was he… talking to me? No, it must have been the drugs. He probably didn't even know what he was saying… though I'll never forget it. "What do you mean? I'm sure you'd do fine on your own."

"Believe me, I wouldn't. I swear, if I lost Matt or L I would probably lose my mind. Even you mean a lot to me."

I was shocked into silence. Had he honestly said that? Why would he?

"Do you honestly mean that, Mello?"

He nodded lazily. "I mean, I don't like you. I don't think I ever will. But if I lost you, I'd lose the drive to become the best at Wammy's. So, despite everything I feel, Near, I truly do need you in my life. You're like… a little brother, almost. Smarter, and one I don't particularly like, but a younger brother, nonetheless."

I honestly don't know what came over me. I just jumped up and hugged Mello as close to me as I could. He didn't push me away either. He even hugged me back, as lazily as it was, and grinned a bit.

I believe that was the only time Mello ever announced his feelings about me. I knew they were the truth, drug induced or not, because of the way he looked at me. He didn't have anything that resembled an ounce of anger or hatred. Something in him just couldn't keep the truth from flowing.

Of course, he didn't remember a word of what he said. In fact, after that day, he returned to his normal, anger-driven, self. But I remembered every word. I still remember them. It was the best thing I'd ever had the pleasure to hear from the blonde.

Officially, it was the best Christmas gift I received.


	20. Chapter 20

_**A/N: Decided now was the best time for a Beyond Birthday chapter. Mostly because he hasn't been mentioned for a while. :) **_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

**(B P.O.V)**

It was too simple. Too easy. Not one of the guards had noticed me escape, though there was no denying it would reach L's ears soon.

I had escaped the asylum L had put me in. It was easy enough for my nimble body to get free of the strait jacket, but that wasn't my only worry. In fact… it was the easiest part of my escape.

Wherever L had placed me, it was high on security and maintenance. I was locked in a room with eight cameras watching my every move, a strait jacket to keep me in place, and a mouth guard to keep me from biting. As if that weren't enough, my room was located in the more remote parts of the asylum, so the doors to freedom were limited. However, I wasn't the second best at Wammy's for nothing.

The cameras were easy. All I had to do was insight a riot while at the lunch tables with some of the more… angrier tenants, and the rest was a cakewalk. While most of the guards were trying to calm down the massive riot, I snuck into the security office, found my tapes, and then rewound them to make it seem like I was still in the room. It was only one twenty-four hour tape, so I had to work quickly. When I was in my room, my guard came in to deliver my daily pill – which I later purged to keep the effects from hitting my mind – and struck him on the head with my own. The man went down, I changed into his clothes, then escaped my cell. No one paid any attention to me as I left the building as part of their crew. Though not my greatest plan, it only had to be effective enough for my escape. I guess most of it all was luck, to say the least, but I'll take any win I can achieve.

I smiled at the thought of L getting the news. Knowing that the greatest detective to ever live had been outsmarted by his own pupil. But now what did I do? I knew I had to go by a different name, something other than 'Backup'… but what? I was too sure I'd be able to find a name later on, but for the moment I had to think of a plan.

L would certainly want me in high security prison after all this, so I had to find a way to avoid him… but also, I had to be close to him. How I was going to do that, was the question.

The detective I so admired as a child had turned on both me and A. A was gone, and it was all L's fault. A could've been the best had L paid even the slightest bit of attention to him. Had L seen what the pressure was doing to him, what those dirty brats had made him become. Mello, Near, even Matt… L favoured them over everyone else. Especially Mello. Near may have been the smartest in the house, but for some reason, L had favoured the blonde over any of the three. I could see why though.

Although I hated to admit it, Mello was smarter than me. Hell, the kid was smarter than L on some levels. The only thing that kept him from becoming better than Near was his emotions. L would set his feelings aside whenever he dealt with a case, and Near was just an emotionless freak. Mello and Matt… they weren't made to be the next 'L'.

I finally stopped my walk on the snow covered street. I looked up to see a bright street light shining on me in the clear night. L had made sure I was as far away from the Wammy house as physically possible. He sent me to the states, under high security, and now I stood on the outskirts of Los Angeles. I was as far as I could be from L, so how could I get closer to him?

I wanted revenge. I wanted L to be humiliated, to be known as second to another. A could've been that person had it not been for his little favourites… so I guess it was up to me. But how to go about doing so?

Well… that was also easy…

I had to become his worst nightmare. The one thing he had never lost against, the one thing he was so well known to stop.

I don't believe I have to explain further.

I continued walking on to my destination. There was no doubt L would be able to put two and two together after what I planned to do in the following months, but would he be able to catch me? I doubted that very much. Even if he suspected me, and I knew he would, catching me would be next to impossible. I was beyond his comprehension, above his mental status, and to complete it all… I had the eyes of death god.

This had to be my calling.

There was nothing else for me.

L had created this when he ignored A and all his accomplishments. But now, his true successor would rise and prove that he was truly the smarter of the two. L wouldn't know what hit him.

But until the time was right, I had to come up with a new name for myself. Something better than 'Backup'. Though, I'm sure the name would come to me. And when it did, I knew it was the perfect name.

Beyond… Beyond Birthday. It was… perfection.


	21. Chapter 21

**(Mello P.O.V)**

One hundred percent. At the very top of the page. I would've been thrilled if not for the albino freak getting two percent more, due to his supposed 'extra credit'. Lord only knows how much I hated this kid by now. And still he felt like following me about the orphanage like some lost puppy.

Whenever I was alone from that egg head I would wander the empty halls of the Orphanage. Not even Matt joined me. I just wandered and walked, and I hoped I would find something to occupy my empty mind. Though, the only reason it felt so empty was because of the pills I was on.

I had started seeing a psychiatrist against my own wishes for L. He worried I'd do something I'd regret later if I didn't do such, but all the appointments did was make me ill. I hated talking to the lady, though maybe I just hated women in general. Most of them made me want to roll into a ball and cry. They reminded me too much of my mother, every last one of them. Especially this lady. She was blonde, kind, and full of warmth. Her voice was like honey, and she was truly concerned about me. But I hated her. I wanted nothing to do with her. If any woman was going to be part of my life, it would only be my mother.

And that's when she prescribed me the pills. Though I don't think they were safe for a ten year old, they were all I had. They numbed the pain of loneliness I felt in my heart and that was all I long as I was alive for Matt's sake, it was worth it. Besides, the kids at the Wammy house seemed more at peace when I was on them. I suppose it was a win-win for all.

I was sitting on the couch in the den at this point. Just staring at the hundred percent marked in red at the top of the page. I was miffed that Near had passed me yet again, but not angry. Surprisingly, it was the one thing I missed about myself since taking the pills; the ability to feel. To have emotions, to be angry, happy, or even sad. I missed the emotions.

I felt a weight on the couch and looked from my paper expecting to see L. Instead, I saw Watari sitting next to me. His eyes were warm, though he held no smile on his face. He seemed more worried if anything.

"So, how are the pills working out for you, Mello?"

I shrugged. Like I explained, I had no real feelings at this point.

Watari continued. "I hesitated to let them prescribe you with such pills, but L forced the matter. He… was terrified."

This piqued my interest. "Terrified?"

"Of losing you. When you wouldn't speak to the psychiatrist, he worried about you falling off the deep end again. When the topic of drugs surfaced, he took the chance. He didn't want to lose you."

"So why are you here? You telling me I don't need 'em?"

"I'm only worried for your sanity right now. The pills you're taking were not meant for someone your age. And I believe they're beginning to take their toll on you."

"Yeah, I'm an emotionless freak like Near and L. At least now I fit in."

Watari put a gentle hand on my shoulder. "But this isn't _you_. This isn't the Mello we picked up in Germany five years ago. This is someone completely different, someone who not even L recognizes. You promised him you'd get help but from what I'm seeing, nothing here is helping you. If anything, you're getting worse."

"Then fire that tart and leave me alone!" I exclaimed. "I'm tired of being around women like her anyway."

"What do you mean, 'women like her'?"

"Women who remind me of my mother!" I yelled without realizing.

Watari stared at me for a long time. "Your mother?"

I shook with both newly boiled anger and sadness. I have to admit, it felt good to feel again, but to let the head of the orphanage know what I was feeling was a mistake. One had to forget their life when coming to the Wammy house, but I couldn't. The memory I had of her was too strong to just let die.

I nodded. "Yes,"

Watari seemed to release a breath he had been holding. "So that's what's going on with you. You miss your mother."

I cringed a bit. There was nothing worse than for the anger driven, second in line, tough-nut to be missing his mommy. "It's not just that. I didn't tell her I was leaving, so I feel guilty. I've had to carry that guilt every day for five years."

"Then you should make amends with her."

"How? If you haven't noticed by now, I'm in England, and she's in Germany. This kind of sets me back a bit."

"I can get you there. If you would like, L and Matt could come along with us. They would be there for moral support."

My heart had made a jump at the thought. Could he really take me to my mother? The one and only woman I trusted in this entire world? He would do that?

I shook a bit at the thought. "What if she doesn't recognize me?"

"Well, we'll have to see now won't we?"

My heart made another jump. This was a chance for me to see her again. My mother. My heart and soul, the one thing that made my life bearable. But would she know me? Would she want me back? Would we still be in touch after I left?

I nodded slowly once more. "Yes, I want to see her."

"We'll have to track her down…"

"I know where she is. She'll still be at the Manor. With my father and brother. I know where it is, even on a map. I've searched it on more than one occasion."

"Then it's settled. We'll leave as soon as we can. Maybe this is exactly what you need to make you feel better."

"Then, could I ask for one last favour?"

"What's that?"

"Take my pills, and destroy them. I hate how they make me feel… or rather, not feeling anything. I swear, it was like I became Near for a short time."

Watari chuckled a bit and pulled me into a one-armed hug. "As you wish."


	22. Chapter 22

**(Mello P.O.V)**

The whole plane ride to Germany I was nervous. For the first time in what seemed like forever I would be seeing my mother. Of course I had Matt there to help me not be so scared, and L's presence helped a lot as well. I didn't even care that we had to bring Near along with us – on L's request – just that I was going to see my mother. Maybe after this, everything would go back to normal. Matt and I would be happier, and my anger issues would decrease. It was worth a shot.

At that moment, we were driving through Germany on our way toward the manor I once lived in. I wondered if it had remained the same throughout the five years I had been gone. Matt was trying to make everyone laugh with his stupid jokes, but I had been concentrating on finding my old home. The only thing that worried me, was my father. There was no way in hell that man changed over the years, but I was willing to risk becoming a punching bag yet again just to see my mother.

My heart was like a drum. It was almost as if excitement and nervousness rolled into one to create the feeling I had now. It was both painful, yet soothing. And it only intensified when we got nearer to my old home.

We got to a familiar road that lead up a gravel path. We were closer now.

"Hey!"

I jumped at Matt's voice, but soon calmed down after the realization. "Yeah?"

"Can we all meet your family? I mean, they should know about the people who adopted you away from them, right?"

"Erm… well…"

"I think Mello has to do this alone, Matt. At least for now." L cut in. Thankfully the man knew how to rationalize.

I nodded, and Matt just shrugged. Carefree as always.

The car stopped on the dirt path, and I saw my old Manor standing not far from us. It had been well kept by the residents, as per usual. It was this that indicated they were still there. And that only made me more nervous than before.

I hesitated at first, but soon stepped out of the vehicle. I suppose L was worried for me going on my own against my father since he tried to follow me, but I stopped him.

"I want to do this on my own, L."

"Mello, I don't think you…"

"Please."

I never once begged L for anything more than attention. So I suppose he was taken aback by my sudden pleading. He respected my decision though, but warned he would be close by should he hear anything. I couldn't argue with him for that. After all the bruises my father inflicted upon me, I'd have been surprised if L didn't follow me right to the door.

I took in a breath and headed for the door. I knew L and the others were all watching me from the car, but I didn't expect this to take long at any rate. Especially if my father was there.

It all looked the same as it had five years before. The door, the windows, even the paint had remained the same. Everything was clean and nice. It even had the aroma it did back then; my mother's own cooking. It was like being sent back in time to all the good moments I had while living here. All of them with my mother.

Speaking of which.

I was just about to knock on the door when I heard a sudden laughter ring out in the backyard. Curious, I ran to the gate to see who it was. It was definitely feminine, and it sounded almost familiar.

I thanked whatever god watched over me that I was top in stealth class, a very important piece to being a great sleuth, because I was able to scurry up a tree and onto the roof to look down at who was laughing.

Although… I wished then more than ever that I had just turned around at the door and left.

I saw her. My own mother, smiling and laughing along with a few other ladies I knew nothing about. With them, a group of small children were playing. One of the children was a small, blonde, girl who carried the resemblance of my mother. In fact, it almost looked just like her. Wide blue eyes, perfect blonde hair, and fair skin that was smooth to the touch.

I ducked when I hear the familiar voice of my father approach the group. My heart sent shivers down my spine, but it calmed when I heard how different it seemed in comparison to the one I had heard as a child.

"There's my princess!"

"Daddy!"

My heart broke. _'Daddy?'_

"Hello darling." Said my mother.

_'Darling? But he's…'_

The little girl threw her arms around my father's neck and he started to coddle her. There wasn't an ounce of anger or resentment.

"My sweet child, are you enjoying your day with mommy?"

"Of course! We picked flowers, and made crowns with them…"

_'They've forgotten me. My own mother… replaced me.'_

I watched in complete sadness as the little girl started hugging my mother. My anchor… my heart and soul… had replaced me. And I came all this way…

I couldn't take it anymore, and I began my decent. I didn't care about seeing my mother any longer. It was clear she had forgotten me all together. Yet still… after all this time… I still remembered her. I think that was what hurt the most. My family was happier without me… yet I was miserable.

"There really isn't a god." I mumbled when I landed on the ground.

I wasn't angry anymore. I wasn't furious, or mad, or even miffed. I was depressed. The thought ripped my heart into a million pieces; I had been replaced.

When I got back in the car I was met with some concerning faces, but I said nothing to them. All I said was to drive back to the hotel. I kept my calm around them all. I kept the tears from flooding. But when I was alone, under my covers and hugging my pillow close, I cried. In truth, this was probably the worst feeling I had ever experienced. But then… it was probably the worst day of my life to count. And I had a lot of bad days.

* * *

_**A/N: I promise the next chapter will be happier than this one, but it was sort of requested by a bud of mine so, I apologize for any sad faces out there.**_


	23. Chapter 23

**(Matt P.O.V)**

My heart broke for Mello when I had gotten the news. How could they do that to him?! How could they replace and forget about him like that!? I swear my anger had reached critical heights when L had told me.

L and Watari had gotten worried for Mello when the Blonde wouldn't leave his bed for anything. Not for food, water, or even chocolate. He barely got up for bathroom breaks, and that was only because I had to urge him out of his bed. He just wallowed silently in his bed in some deep depression we'd never seen from him before. There were times I'd hear him cry at night and there was nothing I could do to help him. It wasn't until a few days later that we learned the truth.

L had us all stay in Germany until he could solve what had made Mello so depressed. He secretly surveyed Mello's family and found that they had all forgotten him. They even added a new child to the family. When I had heard this, it only made too much sense. Mello had been abandoned and forgotten. They never looked for him either, no records on them showed it. They never once tried to find him. Not even his own mother, the one woman he loved so dearly and completely, and the one person who made his life shine just a bit brighter. She no longer cared. And for that, my anger only rose.

Those of you who have been reading, you know I'm not an angry or violent person. In fact, I'm usually a happy guy who wants others to smile with me, albeit with some pretty lame jokes. But in this one moment, for the very first time, I wanted to hurt someone. Namely, Mello's mother. I suppose it brought up some old memories of my father telling me my own mother had ran off after my birth, so it was refreshing to hear from my best friend that he didn't have that kind of selfish woman in his life. He had a mom, one that supposedly loved him. And, as a child, you believe your mother loves you. How could she not love you? She carried you, gave birth to you, and gave you a life to live. How does someone throw away all that and not feel guilty? No, I'm not a violent person, but I certainly wanted to be in this one instance. Just for Mello… just for him. Though I doubt a ten year old such as myself could do a lot of damage.

I tried not to cry when L threw the papers on the counter on the kitchen. He was just as sad and angry as I was.

"Not one police report of a missing son. They crossed him out from all their records. There isn't even a celebration of life, or mural. They simply made it so they had only one son."

"Please calm down, L." Watari said calmly and smoothly. "I'm upset about this too, but there's nothing that can be done."

"They burned any record on Mello. I don't know how, but they did. These people…" L stopped when his voice began to raise. I knew he didn't want me or Near to feel scared at this point. "These people shouldn't be allowed to have kids. First the father beats him, tries to kill him, and then, all of a sudden, has a new child!? Without even looking for his other son!? I just…"

I could tell that L was as fed up and angry as I was. Even Near was shaking in anger. It was just infuriating to hear all of this. Even L, Mr. Calm and Cool, was throwing his hands up in frustration.

When Watari had L calmed down a bit, he continued. "The only thing we know about Mello and his past anymore, is that his last name is Keehl. Other than that, nothing. If I knew anything more, not only could I certainly have them all arrested, but I could separate those heartless bastards from their other kids."

"Now L, you know that's not the way to handle this." Watari spoke more like a father chastising his child at this point. "Mello doesn't need any more stress than what he has now. I understand your contempt, but going out of your way to avenge him will only get both you and him into trouble."

"Still, no child should be abandoned and forgotten. A police report, or _something_. Instead, they chose to wipe the very memory of him like he was a speck of dust. It's just disgusting."

I couldn't have agreed more with him. What they did was terrible, and now Mello was suffering alone in his bed. I wished that there was more I could've done, but I suppose the most I could do was make sure he wasn't alone.

Near followed me to the room the three of us shared, I suppose wanting to help as well, and as I entered he was still there. His own sanity probably wilting away as he hid under his covers. His eyes were a bit puffy from crying, but he hid it well by not looking at us. He was always trying to be stronger than he was capable of being, and I guess that's why he had so much respect from me. Because even if he was hurting more than anyone else before all this, he straightened his stance and kept moving forward. But now that he hit this brick wall, he wasn't sure what to do.

I inched my way closer to him, not caring if he wanted to see me or not. When I climbed into his bed, he still said nothing. Not even when Near joined me. He just stopped caring.

I didn't know if I'd be able to get to him or not… but I had to try.

"Mels, I know you feel bad right now. But I promise you it'll get better."

He grabbed some of his blanket and covered his head. Obviously this was hurting him a lot more than I thought. Still, I persisted.

"You don't need them, you know. They're… they're not…" I couldn't find the words. I felt like I was only going to make matters worse.

Finally, I just let out my frustration.

"You know what, you can lie here and be sad and angry, depressed or not, but the fact is; they're terrible people! I mean, what family forgets their own son!? What family would forget about you, the most awesome person on the face of the earth?! I know you loved your mother, and I know she meant a lot to you. But the fact of the matter is, she's just as terrible as your father! And I know you'll hate me for saying all this, but screw her! She didn't love you, not like we do! Me, L, even Near, we all love you more than that bitch ever could!" I knew what I was saying was probably not helping him, but he wasn't exactly stopping me either. "And you wanna know why we love you so much? Because _we're_ a family. And family means we love each other no matter what, no matter the faults or the attitudes. Because with a family, you care for each other and you make each other happy in their darkest days."

Mello still didn't come out from under his blanket. Yet, I continued.

"Family, to me, isn't who you were born to live with. Family is the people who catch you when you fall, the people who keep you warm when you're freezing. They're the ones who go out of their way to make you smile, the ones who can stop the tears with just a hug. I know all this, because when I had nothing to begin with, when my mom ran away and my grandmother died, when my father got high and threw knives at me… it wasn't them that had made me happy. It was when you found me, when you cared enough to help me out and take me in, it made me happy. Because, for the first time in my life, I had a family. I had people who loved me unconditionally and without question.

"I know your mom made you feel better when you were younger. But you don't have just _her_ anymore. You have me, and L, even Near! You never have to worry about us abandoning you, because we love you. Because we're family. And even though we don't share the same blood, we have a stronger bond between the four of us than we ever did with the people we once had a life with."

Mello was still now. The only thing I could see was the gentle breathing through the cover. When I looked back at Near he too was still. There was some emotion behind his eyes, a first for me, but no real tears. I knew the kid felt the same as I did.

Everything I said was true to. We all cared for each other, L, Near, and myself. We all cared about Mello, and of course he cared for us. But I suppose he never saw himself as part of a family before. I had hoped this would help him to see differently.

When he still would not move from under his blanket, I sighed. "Well, I guess that's all I have to say. We'll leave you alone now."

I jumped from the bed with Near on my tail. We had just opened the door when I heard a faint voice from behind us.

"Matt,"

I turned to see the blonde, emotional wreck, himself peeking out just a little bit. His eyes were a bit puffier now, and his cheeks seemed to darken in shade. Had he been crying? From what I said?

He continued. "You promise not to leave me?"

I smiled a bit and ran to hug him. He hugged back with the same might force I had around his neck. "I promise to never leave or abandon you. You're my family. More than anyone ever will be."

He hugged tighter now, the tears rolling down his face. It was probably the first time he ever really let go of the tears and cried in front of me. Like I said, he always wanted to be strong for those around him… even if it meant losing his sanity.

Near didn't join in on the hug right away. It wasn't until Mello opened up the hug for him that he gave a small grin and joined in the middle. Mello wasn't completely heartless, and even if he did dislike Near, I wouldn't believe that he hated him. Families like ours didn't hate each other. We had our differences, or didn't get along, but hate? No, we couldn't hate one another. There's just too much energy wasted on hate. It was so much simpler to love one another.

Though, after that day, I don't think Mello ever hugged Near again. In fact, I'm almost too sure he'd deny ever have hugging him in the first place. That didn't make us any less of a family though. And it made me happy to see Mello thinking the same way as me for once.

* * *

_**A/N: This story needed a little more love for once. It's so much easier on the soul to have something happy in your life. :)**_

_**Reviews are welcomed**_


	24. Chapter 24

**(Near P.O.V)**

For the most part, Mello had returned to his normal self. There were times he fell into a bit of sadness, but he always managed to get right back to where he was before. It was this that made me admire him. The determination he had to get out of bed and face the world, no matter what he felt in his heart. It wasn't something I myself was capable of.

Matt remained at his side like always in the Wammy house, giving him a good laugh every now and then to make sure he was okay. It was good to see Matt and Mello together again. Before we had left for Germany, Mello had veered away from Matt more times than I could count. I could see it hurt Matt that his friend wanted nothing to do with him, but he seemed to understand. He never held anything against the blonde, which surprised me greatly since most kids in the orphanage hated Mello for one reason or another. But not Matt. Matt would always be there for Mello, and Mello for Matt.

The relationship between the two surprised me still. Matt, not being a very physical person, was always defended by Mello when it came to bullies or older kids. As for Mello, having both a superiority complex and a bad temper, seemed to always stay calm around Matt. It was a perfect pair, these two. One could not function properly without the other.

As for me… I worked alone.

I suppose it's more of a pride thing than anything else. I knew I couldn't work with others because my mind needed to stay focused. I was always alone as a child because the silence and solitude gave me power. If I had silence, I had answers. And if I had answers, I was able to function. Matt and Mello needed each other, and I needed myself. That's what made us different. Well… it's what made me different.

That isn't to say I wasn't human.

Of course I wanted friends. What child doesn't? But the fact remained that I wasn't capable of making any. Either it was because I was too smart for others, or I didn't know the proper communication methods. It was a chore for me. So, when I found out the truth about it all, I realized silence was my friend. Peace and quiet were the best friends I had. I didn't need a physical being to be my companion. They were noisy anyhow, and far more boring than my own thoughts.

So, I sat alone and listened to the thoughts of my own being. It was a lot more peaceful than first reflections would indicate. And thus, I became who I was. I suppose it's how I came to be more like L. I focused more on my thoughts than my feelings. Though, that didn't stop me from trying to be on Mello's good side.

I know it may sound strange, but I truly wanted to be his friend. I knew he didn't like me too much but… it's almost like he was a forbidden fruit. Just beyond reach, but not allowed to be touched. Only those _he_ deemed worthy, were close to him. And so far, Matt was the only one worthy of his attention. I understand how ridiculous this must sound, but I knew I wasn't the only one who felt that way. Some of the younger kids looked at Mello with admiration. Some tried to even talk to him, but were greatly ignored. I didn't know if he saw the same thing I did, but it was interesting to notice either way.

But I seem to have detracted from the story.

At that moment the Wammy house was out for recess. I, of course, was inside playing with my toys. The outside was too grimy and loud for me too stand, so most recesses I played indoors. Mello had always loved the outside, but Matt loved his games so the two would argue over who did what. They usually came to an agreement within five minutes, but I still found the situation humorous. They were like an old married couple some days.

This time around Matt had won the rights to play video games indoors while Mello sat around looking bored out of his skull. I hadn't been paying much attention to them by this point. I was too busy with my domino tower to care. The way they stacked had to be perfect if I wanted it to look good.

I had been setting up the last few dominos, when it was suddenly kicked into my face without warning. And before you jump to conclusions, it wasn't Mello who kicked it. It was someone far worse.

Torrik.

He was taller, older, and always seemed to be power hungry. Nothing about him was kind. He was just nasty to everyone. Every kid in the orphanage wanted him gone, but here he remained.

I looked at my fallen tower with a heavy heart. It had taken me the whole hour of recess to complete. Still, being the shy person I was, I said nothing. Torrik was known to throw punches, and I wasn't about to get a black eye for saying something stupid.

"Little freak, what the matter? Cat got your tongue?"

I rolled my eyes. How _he_ managed to get into Wammy's would always remain a mystery.

As I was collecting the dominos to put away, I was suddenly pushed to the floor by Torrik's boot. It had been so forceful that I gasped upon impact. No one had ever treated me so roughly before. For the slightest second, I feared for my life.

"Fucking freak, get up! Honestly, what's wrong with you!?"

"Fuck off, Torrik. Just leave him alone."

I turned to see Mello right behind me, body relaxed, and hands stuffed away in his jacket pockets. There was a look in his eyes I hadn't seen much beforehand. Not rage or anger, or even sadness. No, it was more like he was fed up.

Torrik snorted. "And why do you care? You don't like this freak, we all know that."

"So? You don't go around kicking kids like that. So fuck off, he's done nothing to you."

Was he seriously defending me? Mello? The one kid at the orphanage to deliberately ignore me on a daily basis.

The bell for recess to be over rang out, and a small group of kids gathered around to see the two staring off. Mello hadn't cared though. He merely drew out his favourite brand of chocolate, then took a bite. He seemed utterly uninterested in the whole situation.

Torrik crossed his arms. "And if I don't leave?"

Mello swallowed his bit of chocolate. "Dude, are you really gonna ride this out? Just leave the kid alone."

"Make me," Torrik said as he pushed Mello back a bit.

Matt had actually stood me up and backed me away at this point. Though, Mello did not look fazed to say the least. In fact, he actually grinned.

"You know something… you push like girl." Another bite at his chocolate, the grin still playing at his lips.

Torrik straightened up a bit. "Oh, is that so? The how 'bout this!?"

The taller of the two threw a punch at Mello, but the room fell silent when the blonde caught it and stopped it with his one free hand. He now held it in place as he took yet another bite from his chocolate.

Everyone was amazed. Torrik was sixteen years old, but the ten year old had stopped this punch without any trouble. Even the teenager looked a bit scared at this point. The room was either gaping in awe, or frightened at what was to come next. I myself felt a bit touched that Mello would get into a fight to help me. But then… I don't believe this was the first time.

Mello was far from heartless, though I know he'd have thought differently. He didn't always defend the younger kids at Wammy's, but that was mainly because the first time he had… no one tried him on afterwards.

Before I had come to the Wammy house Mello had defended Matt against some bullies and almost had himself expelled because of it. Though I believe it was probably a rumour, there was the possibility that it had happened. In all honesty, he wasn't physically mean to the younger kids. Verbally, he was always cruel to us, and those who were close to his age got a few hits from him. Other than that and the anger driven rampages, there wasn't much else.

Finally, the blonde spoke. "You've got one of two options; Leave the kid alone… or have your arm shattered. Ten seconds."

Torrik only stared at him in complete dismay. We all knew his pride was too swollen to just let Mello win. But at the same time, would this ten year old _really_ break his arm?

We never found out the result though. Roger came bursting into the room asking angrily what Mello and Torrik were doing.

Too frightened to speak, Mello did the talking. "Just playing a game, Roger. No harm done." He pulled Torrik forward a bit. "Right?"

The teen only shook his head in agreement before Mello let go of his fist. Said teen quickly ran out of the room, past Roger and down the hallway. I have to admit, it was a glorious day seeing Torrik scared out of his wits.

When Roger left a bunch of the kids started chuckling at what had just happened. Others whispered some cockamamie rumors about Torrik. Matt and Mello on the other hand took their exit. Before they left though…

I gathered up my courage and ran towards Mello, grabbing his sleeve to stop him.

When he turned around to look at me, I froze for maybe half a second before quietly saying, "Thank you Mello."

He raised an eyebrow before turning away. "Whatever. Just try not to get yourself hit next time." He then left with Matt trailing him.

As I watched him leave, a genuine smile spread across my face.

* * *

**(Mello P.O.V)**

"Oh Tin-man, you do have a heart." Matt teased as we made our way toward our last class of the day. I swear if he kept on with this…

No, I still didn't like Near. But I hate bullies a lot more than him. A bully was what my father was, picking on someone who was younger because it was easier. And I knew I didn't want to be a bully like that. What satisfaction did people get when picking on someone younger than them? It was just wrong.

I didn't care that I had helped the person I disliked more than anyone else at the orphanage. He couldn't defend himself so I stepped in. I'd do it for anybody if they needed me. Though Matt could lay off the teasing. I think he failed to realize I had almost broken Torrik's arm… but, then again, he knew I wouldn't hurt him.

_'Damn, this teasing may take a while to die down.'_


	25. Chapter 25

_**A/N: Warning, this chapter is a little disturbing... but then again... Beyond is a bit disturbing as well. :/**_

* * *

**(Beyond P.O.V)**

I had planned it out to the last detail. Everything would be perfect. I would outsmart L, be better in every way, shape, and form. I knew he was looking for me, though I doubt anyone other than him or Watari were notified of my existence. I doubted the detective would want his little kiddies worrying about me being on the loose. But this wouldn't be for long. No, because my plan was perfection.

I already had the list planned out, it took me a month but I managed to find the perfect people for my plan. Not that they knew anything about it.

The first was Believe Bridesmaid. I knew exactly what to do to him, and I knew L would never see it. No, he would be outsmarted. I knew he would. He had to be.

I apologize if I get a bit erratic at some points, but my plan was supposed to be perfection to the very end. I wanted everything to be perfect, for L to be humiliated, defeated, and completely dumbstruck. I wanted him to know what it felt to lose against someone. For his sanity to deplete after finding out he lost!

And it was all perfect. Right down to the very last detail. It was almost beautiful, my excitement about what would all go down. But first, I had to deal with the first person on my list: Believe Bridesmaid.

July thirty first. Evening. I waited silently in the shadows of his home. The Wara Ningyo dolls stuffed in my pockets. I kept quiet, but I couldn't help the small twitch of excitement course through me. This was what I was meant to do. It's been like that since I was small. Since my mother…

_"Mommy, I can see your name. It's over your head…"_

_"Yes darling, I know. But you mustn't tell others. This is a deformity, a curse."_

_"A curse? What do you mean?"_

_She paused for a quick second, looking at me with bright eyes. "No… no, it isn't a curse. This is a blessing! You were born with the eyes… his eyes. The eyes of the one!"_

_"Who, mommy?"_

_"A shinigami. We summoned him, but he did not stay long. You have his eyes! This must be it! My son! My beautiful son!"_

_She hugged me close. I didn't know whether to hug back._

_"We must use them. Use them against our enemies. We will rise higher than any other with you in our service!"_

_I felt intrigued. "How? What will I do?"_

_She looked at me with her dark eyes full of wonder. "You will do what all Shinigami do… you will kill."_

She had locked me away after that. In a dark room with nothing but the thoughts only a real shinigami had. To kill, to devour, to become immortalized. She would take me to her cult meetings every time before her discovery. And they had intrigued me.

Death. It was beautiful to me. How within every moment of our lives, we risk a chance at death. And the people I only knew as family, worshipped death. Worshipped the gods of death. And, had it not been for child protective services, would have worshipped me. It would have all been mine. I would have been their god.

But then I met L. And I knew, for just a short time of my life, what love really was. Then A came along. My friend. I had someone to love and care for, and someone who cared for me back. It was something I never received from my mother. It was like a holy grail for me. To feel human. More human than I was when I was part of a cult. No longer did death rule my world.

But all good things come to an end.

L abandoned A. Left him to suffer alone. Left the two of us to suffer. First Mello passes us, then Near! He tried to pass them, A tried with all his might. But it was too much. He died because of L. Because L favoured them over us. And soon, death was a part of my life again. And it was all I could think of.

Like a real Shinigami.

Bridesmaid entered the room and I froze. I was still hidden by shadow, but my thoughts were running wild.

_'A will not die in vain. I will make L suffer. Will humiliate him, make him a slave to his own thoughts. And I will be known as the greatest killer to ever live. The one who outsmarted L himself. I am no longer Backup… I am Beyond.'_ I smiled at the thought. _'Beyond Birthday.'_

When his back was turned I jumped Believe Bridesmaid, drugging him with the rag and chloroform. When the struggling stopped, I immediately started to strangle the man. I didn't stop until I was sure there was no more breathing.

When he dropped to the floor, lifeless and cold, I felt my heart go still. Then I giggled… then chuckled… then laughed myself silly. I had done it! I had killed him! But it wasn't over… I still have a few more things to do.

But above all, it had been done. I knew my destiny now. It wasn't to succeed L or even be part of the Wammy house. No… my calling was much greater than that.

* * *

**(L P.O.V)**

I sat in my chair like I always did. Staring at my computer screen. I was reading a report on the murder of a man named Believe Bridesmaid. He had severe lacerations on his chest from a knife, but autopsy showed he had died while being strangled. Along with the murder, four Wara Ningyo dolls were nailed to the victim's wall. It was strange to say the least, but something inside me knew I wasn't wrong to suspect.

Wammy suddenly entered the room with the suitcases. Though typically I referred to him as Watari, he would always be known as Wammy. It was Wammy that found me and took me in when I was alone on the streets. I knew him only as such.

"Ready when you are." He said quietly.

I nodded, then stepped down from my seat. "We will be heading towards Los Angeles then?"

"As you requested. Though we should hurry. We don't want anyone waking up and noticing our departure."

"Quite right."

I quickly made my way through the door of my room to the main hallway. It wasn't long before I had made it to the front doors where outside my ride awaited to take me to the airport.

Wammy had already left the main foyer to pack, but I had gotten distracted when a certain blonde stepped out from his room and was now sleepily walking toward me.

I grinned a bit. Although he was getting more sleep now than before, he still made it a routine to get up at night and grab a bar of chocolate when Roger wasn't around. Although, now was not a good time for him to be awake.

Although tired, he looked me over questioningly. "Wha's goin on? You leaving?"

"For a bit," I said as I kneeled down to his height. "But I'll be back. Like always."

"No, somthin's up. You never leave this late." He stretched a bit. "Promise you'll tell me when you get back?"

I covered my mouth to stop the giggle. Poor Mello was too exhausted to even question me. "I promise."

The blonde nodded. "'Kay." He then made his way toward the kitchen where Roger hid his chocolate.

I felt a bit of a quiver in my heart while watching the ten year old walk away. Him, Near, and Matt had all gotten special treatment from me. There were times I had wished I had been tougher on them. Had been more of a parental figure than a brotherly one. But they had all come from such horrid lives. Matt had more scars than I could count, Near was emotionally abandoned, and Mello… well, just thinking of it made me sick.

I couldn't hurt them. I couldn't allow them to be abandoned. Matt had said we were a family to Mello. I had heard the whole speech. And he was right. Despite our blood, we were a family.

If only I had done the same for A and B.


	26. Chapter 26

**(Mello P.O.V)**

I had been studying for what seemed like the entire day. A huge exam would be coming up soon and I was determined to get a higher mark than Near. I had to remember _everything_ if I wanted the extra credit marks that he usually got. But there was one thing that was keeping me from focusing on my work.

Matt.

Not that his company wasn't appreciated, in fact he usually studied with me whenever I started to study. But today was not a good day for him to be distracting me.

Along with his usual – and terrible – jokes, he had begun asking stupid questions with no real answers, had been popping his gum, playing his games with the volume up too high, and – the most annoying of all – kicking my table with just enough force for me to feel the little thumps as I wrote. Honestly, this was a new height of annoying for him, because I was usually fine with dealing all of this. It just wasn't my day.

"Hey Mels?"

I swear I had begun to feel my eye twitch. "What?" I asked in annoyance.

He didn't seem to catch it. "Who do you think was the first guy to clap?"

I looked up from my textbook. "What? Why are you asking that?"

"Well, think about it. Did someone just start hitting their hands together and think, 'Wow, this is really encouraging! I'm gonna tell all my friends about this!'? Or was it by accident? Or maybe cavemen…"

"Matt, I don't care. Please, just let me study."

He let out a groan. "You're always studying, Mel. Why can't you take a break?"

"I took a break two hours ago."

"That wasn't a break, you had to use the bathroom. And you had been holding it in for like an hour beforehand. Come on, let's go outside or something!"

I grabbed my textbook and stood up. We were currently in the library, but even that didn't stop the red-head from being annoyingly loud. "Like I told you before, I have an exam coming up. I can't waste my time right now."

"Oh come off it! 'All work and no play', ever heard of the saying?"

I rolled my eyes and began to leave. But of course, Matt followed.

"Mel, you're like the smartest kid at Wammy's. So why do you always have to study?"

I spun around and glared at him. "Because I'm _not_ the smartest kid at Wammy's, and I want more than anything to pass Near and become L's successor! Why can't you understand that?!"

"I understand _that_, but every time you have a test or exam come up you completely lose it! It's like you won't be happy until you're first!"

We had begun attracting attention at this point, but I didn't really care. If anybody wanted to look, let 'em.

"I won't be happy until then, Matt! Near's ahead of me and I can't take being second to that freak!"

"Earth to Mello! I'm _third_ in line here, and you don't see me complaining!"

"That was your own choice! Besides, you wouldn't be chosen to be L's successor."

Matt scoffed. "Excuse me?!"

I guess I went a little too far with that one… but my anger wouldn't let it stop there.

"You aren't like L. Not in a long shot. Every time you'd get a case, you'd put it off until either your game was finished, or until you felt like it. You're nothing more than lazy, and it was sheer luck that got you to be third in the first place!"

At this point Matt grabbed my textbook and held it away. It was the first time he had shown any anger towards me.

"Take a good look at yourself, Mello! You're not exactly L material yourself! The only reason L took any interest in you is because you answered one of his stupid questions! Face it! You're second to Near! He'll always be smarter than you!"

I clenched my teeth. "Take that back."

"Why? What'cha gonna do? Beat me up? That seems to be a favourite tactic of yours. Very 'L-like' if you ask me."

I made a grab for my textbook, but he pulled away. "I'm serious, Matt!"

"Really? I thought your name was Mello?"

I couldn't take it anymore. I pushed Matt with all my might, but I hadn't realized how much force I put into it.

He fell back into one of the book shelves and it came crashing down onto the next shelf, then the next shelf… then the next. It was like a domino effect what had happened, and almost every book was scattered on the floor. The only one to get hurt by what I had done… was Matt. And that's what made me snap out of my anger driven state.

He hadn't been hurt badly… but he was hurt. A few teachers had to help him to his feet, but once he caught sight of me, he froze. The look on his face was the same one my brother had given me when I had beaten him up before running away.

And it made me instantly hate myself.

I bolted for the door and ran as fast as I could toward the foyer of the Wammy house. I had to dodge a few people as I ran, but I made it without much trouble. From there, I ran out the front doors and out the gates. I ran and ran until I couldn't feel my legs anymore. My eyes were watering with tears at the realization at what I had done. And the memory of what L had said to me.

_'And what if you hurt Matt?'_

My tears kept flooding my vision. He knew it would happen… but still…

_'Never! I would never hurt him! He's my best friend!'_

That conversation happened so long ago. But it was all true. My anger had gotten him hurt. I had hurt my best friend.

I had ran all the way to London, which meant I had been running for close to half an hour, and was now hiding in an ally-way, crying at what I had done. I knew for a fact that Matt wouldn't want to be my friend after this, but the thought hurt me more than anything else. Especially when I'd seen his face. Hurt, betrayed, scared. All of this… it just didn't fit him. Matt shouldn't have been hurt.

It was night now, and the darkness scared me a little. I was happy to have my jacket with me since it was cold out. But more than anything, I wanted Matt with me. I wanted to rewind time and make it so I never hurt him. I wanted to hug him and tell him I was sorry for everything I said. But I wouldn't get that chance. Not at the moment. At that moment… I had to live with the thought that my best friend may not ever want to see me again.

Strangely enough… that thought almost came true.

I was beginning to debate on going home or running farther away, when a few strange men had stepped around the corner. They were raggedy looking, and obviously drunk. They looked more than five times my age, but that may have been due to the alcohol. It was now that I should've run from them.

One of them noticed me. "Hey, look boys. Little girl's lost herself 'ere in London. Maybe we should help her out." He nudged the one next to him.

Being ten at the time I had had no idea what he was talking about. I only thought that he was drunk and stupid.

Two of the men blocked off my exit to the main street on my right, while the one that had first spoke got on my left. When I began to realize the danger I was in, I tried to make a run for it but one of the men had caught me and slammed me against the wall. It hurt my head like crazy, but I was more worried about the hand around my throat than the throbbing in my brain.

"Let me go, you dirty fucks!"

"Oi, I think it's a bloke!" Said one of the men on my right.

The other one laughed. "Pretty little boy this one is."

I kicked one of them in the face, and the first one laughed at him. "Feisty too!"

"Fuck off!" I yelled, but the hand tightened around my throat.

"Look kid, we don't care where it comes from. Just that we get what we want."

All I could think of was what he was talking about. It wasn't anything I had heard from anyone before. Had I known then what I know now, I would've struggled, kicked and screamed until I was dead from exhaustion. Even then, I still struggled with all my might.

"Hold him down. Something tells me this won't be as easy as first planned."

"Let's just go, Ronald. He's just a kid."

"Fuck that!" Said the man holding my throat. "Like I said, I don't care where it's from or who it's with! Now shut up, and hold him down!"

The two other men looked at each other before forcefully holding my arms to the wall as the third let go of my throat. At this point, my heart had dropped to my stomach. I wished now more than ever that I was dreaming and that I would wake up soon. Preferably beside Matt. My anchor. The one that made all the nightmares go away.

Only… I wasn't going to wake up. This nightmare was all too real.

**(Matt P.O.V)**

My heart was beating rapidly at this point. Mello had been missing for over three hours now. I had tried to chase after him but he was too quick and I lost sight of him. It was all my fault.

I pushed him and pushed him, and now he was gone. I didn't even blame him for knocking me into the shelves. I mean, it took me by surprise, yes. But I knew Mello didn't mean it. It's why he ran away. Any other kid would have been pulverized by now, but I knew he would never intentionally hurt me.

I sat in Roger's office as he called the police. Though the man was not a kid person, he obviously cared for our well-being.

I had just recounted everything to him for a fourth time, but it still held no clue as to where Mello was. At first he had called for the blonde over the intercom, but with no response. We looked around the orphanage, but no luck. No one had seen him. There was one lead that said he'd ran outside, and that helped us to further find out where he was.

Roger hung up the phone. "They're patrolling the city to find him, so we have hope. I've already contacted L and he'll be here soon. Thankfully he returned to England just this afternoon."

As if on cue, the detective himself along with Watari burst through the door. Before any questions were asked, I ran to hug him for comfort. Out of everyone, I was the most worried for him.

L kept me in the hug. "What's going on? Watari told me Mello was…"

"Missing. Yes, well… an accident ensued within the library, of Mello's own work, and he ran off. He's been missing for over three hours. There's been no sign of him whatsoever."

"It's all my fault." I sobbed into L's shirt.

L looked at me. "What do you mean?"

"I caused Mello to get angry… he's gone because of me."

"What did you do to cause him to get angry?" He asked calmly.

I sniffed a bit. "I said he was nothing more than second to Near. He got angry and pushed me into the shelves. It's my fault."

L hugged me a bit tighter. "No, it isn't Matt. Mello ran off because he didn't want to hurt you further. If anything, this was all his decision. You won't be held responsible."

I shook my head. "You're wrong. It is my fault. If anything happens to him…"

The phone suddenly rang and was quickly answered by Roger. After a few words, the man looked at us. "They've found him!"

A held breath rang out through the room. But right when we thought this was all over…

"What's that? He's… …what? ... … Mello's been… …And he told you this? … … Evidence then? … … But how is he? … …"

"L? What's going on?" I asked him quietly. "What are they talking about?"

No answer. L looked just as puzzled as I was.

"Alright then… I'll tell them." He hung up the phone.

When Roger looked at the three of us, there was a look in his eyes I had never seen. It was like shock mixed with sadness.

"Roger?" L persisted. "What is it?"

He looked at me. "This isn't something that should be said in front of Matt. He's too young for this."

L suddenly looked at me and calmly asked me to wait outside. After fighting him for a bit, I finally agreed and left the room. I think I waited for a good twenty minutes outside the door before L stepped out with Watari. L looked as if he'd seen a ghost or something. He was much paler than before and he looked as if he were on the brink of tears. Watari was no different.

When I jumped from my seat to ask questions, L stopped me. He merely put a hand on my shoulder and said, "We're going to pick up Mello right now. I need you to come with us."

"Why do you _need_ me to go?"

L pulled me into a side-hug. "Believe me when I say this. Mello needs his friend now more than ever."

Those words scared me. There was something behind them I didn't like.

I pulled away. "What happened to him?"

* * *

_**A/N: I promise that this will be the last thing to ever REALLY happen to Mello. But honestly, from what I've seen in both the Manga and Anime, this guy has a chip on his shoulder larger than his ego. But I promise that Mello will get his revenge... for everything. (Like I wouldn't give him that option)**_

_**Also, I'm wondering if I should stop this story after Roger gives the news about L when they're older and begin a new one when they start targeting Kira. Sort of like a two part story. Opinions on this would be great. :)**_


	27. Chapter 27

**(Mello P.O.V)**

My stomach twisted in both pain and disgust as I sat in the police office. I was thankful to have been found by them, but I wished they had come sooner.

I answered their questions to the best of my ability, but throughout the entire process I wanted to be alone. Well… maybe not _all _alone_._ If Matt was with me I would be okay with that. I had missed his stupid jokes and his constant presence. If he were with me at the moment, everything would've been easier for me.

The policeman who found me stayed at my side. He had given me some hot chocolate to sip as he asked questions.

Honestly, what was there to ask? It should have been evident by now, I told them what those men had done. Albeit I had been pushed into telling the truth, but it was all there in black and white. I had been raped… humiliated and used. Those men took away something I'd never get back.

At this point… I didn't know if I was angry or sad anymore. I didn't know what to feel.

It wasn't long before they told me a Quillish Wammy and my older brother were on their way. I knew it was L and Watari, though L wasn't allowed to give his true name. It made me feel a bit better knowing L was coming to get me personally, even though it would be safer for him not to.

I think it had been a good twenty minutes before L had shown up with Watari. I was also really happy to see Matt was there with them. As soon as I caught sight of him I ran to him for a hug. Of course, he hugged back and held me as close to him as he could. Not one of the policemen that had taken me in had been able to even go near me without me flinching in fear. But Matt would always have my trust. He could never hurt me.

While L and Watari spoke to the police, Matt and I were taken to a room where we couldn't hear them. As if we were two stupid kids who didn't know what was going on. For fucks sake, I _lived _through it! I knew exactly what happened! But I suppose we were only ten. Still, it made me mad that they treated this so delicately around me.

Matt was quiet for a while, which made me a bit nervous. Usually he had at least _one_ stupid joke. All I needed was a smile, and even that couldn't happen at the moment.

Finally, he spoke. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault."

I looked at him. "How is any of this your fault? I was the one that ran off."

"Because I berated you in the library. I shouldn't have bullied you like that."

"Matt, you are many things. Annoying, loud, fidgety, possibly ADHD, and sometimes obnoxious. But you are NOT a bully. If anything I'm the bully. I shouldn't have pushed you, and I'm sorry. I wouldn't have blamed you if you didn't come to see me right now."

Matt hugged me gently. "You're my best friend. When you need me most I'm there. I'll always be there."

I hugged him back, tears rolling down my eyes. No matter what, I always had him by my side. It didn't matter if I was at my lowest of lows, or highest of highs. He didn't see me any differently than any other day. Matt was so much more than a best friend to me. He was my companion, a partner, a part of my life that I needed. Wherever I went, he was there with me to help along the way. Something I only wished I could repay him for.

It was another hour and a half before we left and it was close to midnight at this point. Matt had fallen asleep in the car, but I was wide awake. I don't think I wanted to close my eyes. I was afraid I'd see _them_ if I did.

L put a hand on my shoulder. "You were very brave talking to them, Mello. Not a lot of people have the guts to speak after… that."

"Just say it, L." I said in irritation. "After they get raped. I'm tired of it being dodged from me. It makes it sound worse."

L looked at Watari through the rear-view mirror, then back at me. "I apologize. Sometimes I forget you're mentally older than you appear. I'm just sick of seeing you go through so much… if I treat you like a child, it's because you deserve to be one for once."

I only hummed in reply. I decided to change the subject. "So what were you doing in Los Angeles? You said you'd tell me."

L gave me a quick glance, then replied. "I'll tell you when we get home. I don't think this is something Matt should hear."

"Is it about B?"

L looked at me in somewhat of surprise. "What makes you say that?"

"B was in LA… in the asylum. I figure it has to do with him."

The dark haired detective looked out the window. "It's quite the story."

I managed a grin. "I like stories."

* * *

**_A/N: And thus Mello was told of Beyond. More to come, and please review._**


End file.
